


Family, Love (and sometimes letting go)

by loosecloudymist_OperaEagleAce



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Depression, F/M, Family Feels, Family of Blood, Family of Choice, Lots of Angst, Nana is a housewife and stay-at-home mother by choice, Nemure Nana and Sawada Nana are the same person, Wonderful, Yamamotos added for pt 2, Yamamotos are the best friends in absence of Iemitsu, all backstory made up, all the timeskips, also her only friends now, and if you have a problem that you can FIGHT ME, but it's not all perfect and nobody ever pretended it was, can't write those to save my life and we don't need them anyway, dealing with abuse, hardcore character development, heavy focus on OCs, it's all about family and relationships, long segments about that you can skip but it will help you understand them, long sentences, lots of fluff, no sexy times, not the thing to read if you only like action, they are Nana's family, three stages of her life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-12 18:29:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13553109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loosecloudymist_OperaEagleAce/pseuds/loosecloudymist_OperaEagleAce
Summary: Nana does not grow up with a cold uncle the only family she knows. Instead, Nana grows up with /family/ - knowing what family is and what it does, and that changes everything and nothing. For who better to teach everything she knows about family to than her own son, through example and love?Study of Nana and her relationships, rife with fluff, angst, and chara exploration/development.AU where nothing changes but Nana’s life, Tsuna’s outlook on family, feels and bonds. Aka, the story about Nana’s life that nobody asked for.





	1. Part 1: Child to Teenager

**Author's Note:**

> I wish they had a 'life' genre tag. Because this. It's just life and family.
> 
> Warnings: life happens, lots of flowy sentences and elaborations on eyes, all backstory made up, lots of emphasis on Nana's family who are OCs, every sort of style I could come up with to signal speaking except quotation marks, so much fluff, so much angst, made-up names galore, and all~ the timeskips.
> 
> I promise there's a reason for the different types of speaking - italics is for more feely stuff, capitals are for yelling/screaming, and where there's nothing there used to be underlines for regular speaking but it was too distracting.
> 
> Without further ado, here's the AU where nothing changes but Nana's life and Tsuna's outlook on family. Nothing changes in canon except feels and bonds. Aka, the story about Nana's life that nobody asked for.
> 
> (ps if y'all would live comment or put down your thoughts /as/ you read, that would be absolutely amazing and I would sing your praises forever.)

Family, Love (and sometimes letting go)

-.-.-.-

(Once upon a time, in a far-off parallel world, Nana grew up with a cold, neglectful uncle her only company. He never taught her anything about family. The only thing she learned was to never ever let go when she decided someone was hers, because they could be ripped away from her without any notice. She learned to be oblivious, because the most painful kind of betrayal is when someone you love decides you are not needed anymore once you notice something.)

-.-.-.-

 

Part 1

Child to Teenager

 

-.-.-.-

**“Her life wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but she chased after bubbles when they came and smiled so big and wide nobody could feel sad in her presence, and that’s all she ever really wanted.”**

-.-.-.-

Nana has a family.

She has the best family in the whole wide world, the best that anyone could ask for!

She is only five but she is already full of smiles and wonder and happiness, so much that she just has to share with others! Sometimes she trips but she always gets back up and smiles, tugs on her dress and runs back to her parents with a pealing laugh bursting with the joy of life.

She is a very eager, vivacious child. Her parents couldn't be prouder.

-.-.-.-

At three, Nana laughs and runs after the bubbles floating away from her. Come back, come back! she pleads with them, though it’s garbled through her laughter and big heaving breaths. Her older sister Rentoka doesn’t run as fast as Nana, certainly not as enthused with this bubble thing, but she does look amused and at least decides to go along with it for her little sister’s sake. So Rentoka tags along after Nana, strolling unhurried compared to Nana’s frantic scramble, with their kaa-san watching with twinkling love and delight-filled eyes and blowing more bubbles.

Nana never gets tired of witnessing the bubbles form and float away, but her energy for running does tire out eventually. She toddles over to her kaa-san, babbling happily, Rentoka approaching behind her, coolly popping one of the last bubbles that drifted in her direction.

Love kaa-san! Nana tries to exclaim. She doesn’t think she quite gets it right, but that’s okay, because kaa-san’s face lights up in jubilation anyway. They beam at each other, and Rentoka crawls in her mother’s lap. Tugging on her shirt, Rentoka asks about dinner.

Oh! kaa-san realizes. It is time to make dinner, otou-san will be home soon! Thank you for the reminder, Ren-chan! Let’s see what we have in the pantry. Can you help me by playing with Nana-chan? Thank you, I’m so glad to have such beautiful, obedient daughters!

Nana learns the meaning of love at a very young age. She grows up surrounded by love and care and is all the better for it.

-.-.-.-

Nana has parents! She almost lost them, her father in a car crash and her mother to breast cancer, they tell her, but her father survived and had back surgery and her mother survived the cancer and chemotherapy. Even when her father is in a wheelchair and can't work, that's fine! Nemure Noriko is more than willing and capable to provide for her family of five, including her husband Nemure Harin.

Nana’s kaa-san is a whiz with numbers. She is a very successful accountant. She is also a yamato nadeshiko, having given birth to two kids and having been a stay-at-home mom for years. Some of her hobbies are numbers, gardening, cooking, taking care of her hair, and playing with her kids. She is a lot like Nana, similar in personality and grace and love for the world around them, despite the girl having inherited her hair and eyes from Harin. Her face is all Noriko.

Nana’s tou-san is a jovial man that chuckles a lot and has this perpetual ghost-of-a-smile on his face that isn’t quite a full grin but counts as one. His words are slow like honey and warm you up from the inside the same way. It’s when his voice pitches down and he Looks at you like he knows everything about you that things get serious. He used to do construction work. He loves to work with his hands. He is a hard-working person that used to go to work every morning and return every night exhausted but happy to do his duty for his family. It kills him that he can't go out and do hard work like that anymore, but he sets to learning to do other things with a determination that's helped him through many long hours of tedious, stressful, and backbreaking work before. After kaa-san and tou-san go into their bedroom and talk, tou-san comes out with puffy eyes and a wobbly smile and kaa-san emerges with an uplifting, life giving laugh. Kaa-san shows tou-san how to sew, and tou-san also learns how to whittle. A lot of the time in the beginning after the construction accident that took her father’s legs’ mobility he simply uses to adjust to their new lifestyle. That year, when she is eight, is characterized by dubious shifts and uncertainty. Then it settles down and he takes to reading, sewing, whittling, and playing with his children in his free time.

He takes the place that kaa-san used to fill, though he doesn't cook or garden and it's very hard for him to clean. He looks after them just as well as kaa-san did, if a bit differently.

Kaa-san is still kaa-san, though. It helps that her hours aren't nearly as long as tou-san’s were, and they don't have to be because he sells most of what he whittles and a bit of the sewing. No one could replace kaa-san and the ways she laughs, cooks, and surprise-launches math problems at her children, trying to trip them up. Nana's hopeless with them, so she gets tripped up every time. She's not good at math, and she can't stop giggling whenever it happens. Kaa-san just looks so mischievous and happy! Nana shares the happiness!

(Nana is happy to have parents. One of the reasons is so she doesn't have to live with cold Uncle Yuuto. He hates children.)

-.-.-.-

The accident hasn't happened yet, and Nana is six and a half when kaa-san decides they are ready to go to their first family gathering.

Every month and a half, kaa-san's family drives in from all over Japan to a little shrine out in the middle of nowhere to hold a picnic and have a day of being family. The spot is open to the sky, large, and very pretty.

Kaa-san and tou-san have continued going to them even with little children for the most part, leaving Nana and Rentoka in the care of Uncle Yuuto. Rentoka is nine now and not very happy about not being able to go before this.

All four of them arrive at the shrine, the children silently excited and nervous. Rentoka and Nana stick together, slightly afraid, while kaa-san and tou-san go to talk with the other parents.

They see the other children, about fifteen of them, playing and running around. They nudge themselves closer to them inch by dreaded inch, eyes darting around and a strong temporary bond of nervous fear springing up between the siblings.

Then the others spot them and the jig is up; there's no going back now. All too soon the other children are right in front of them, surveying them with the haughtiness of children. One of them looks up at Nana’s face and asks her, You guys are from the Kyorike family, right?

Yes, Nana says, puffing her chest out.

Our parents are Noriko and Harin, Rentoka adds, defensive.

Then all the others look up as if on cue and turn to each other. In a moment of understanding, they then face the siblings again and open their arms.

Then you're obviously alright, the same child who asked them the first question announces. She has light brown hair a little lighter than Nana’s tied up in pigtails and a blinding smile. Let's play duck-duck-goose while we introduce ourselves! I’m Kyorike Jikase.

The children all bunch up into a circle, and with each “duck”, a name is called. It's a lot of fun and a lot of names and Nana and Rentoka lose themselves to the joy of playing. Why were they so scared again? These kids are family, just like Rentoka is to Nana, and they’ve been accepted with open arms simply for that fact.

 _Family means acceptance,_ she realizes.

-.-.-.-

Nana is eight, almost nine, and the new lifestyle in the aftermath of the accident has barely settled down when kaa-san and tou-san act on their suspicions about what the new neighbors are doing to their foster child and Sukune is brought home with them.

This is your new brother, they tell Rentoka and Nana. Treat him well, for he is now family.

They are young, but Nana already understands much of what family means, acceptance and understanding and support. So when she sees the bruises dotting Sukune’s skin, she smiles at him, hums a little, and runs to get the first-aid kit. When he flinches at loud noises and shies away from touches and curls up when someone raises a hand in front of him, when he whimpers and doesn't ever speak, Nana runs a calming hand down his back and gathers him up into her arms and sings softly in his ear until the bad things he sees go away, imitating kaa-san. She doesn't question, just smiles softly and understands and holds her kind, precious brother to her even during crying and screaming fits, longing to block every bad thing in the world from ever looking at her family.

Even when Rentoka doesn't quite get it the way Nana does and yells at her and him, DON'T YOU SEE HE’S NOT YOUR BROTHER, HE’S TAKING ALL THE ATTENTION, HE’S BROKEN AND HE CAN’T BE FIXED, IT’S BEEN YEARS, IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY AND HE’LL BE USELESS FOREVER, HE DOESN'T SHARE OUR BLOOD, AREN’T YOU DONE WITH TAKING CARE OF ALL OF HIS PROBLEMS YET, Nana doesn't give. It's been coming for a while, this big blow-up, and Rentoka needs to understand. So she explains _it doesn't matter, he’s family, we always support family, no matter what happens. Can't you feel the way that he needs us, that he needs the acceptance and love that only family can give?_

And once Rentoka understands, she calms. She looks after Sukune more vigorously than Nana. Nana takes care of his emotional state and supports him, and Rentoka deals with bullies and tutoring and blunt truths.

-.-.-.-

Still, even she has doubts. Isn't blood family the strongest, the most important kind? What does that make Sukune? He is just as important to her as Rentoka.

Nana corners her parents and asks them for a solution.

It is her tou-san that answers first, surprisingly, with stillness and an ache in his eyes.

 _I had a family too,_ he responds, _even though it's your mother’s family that we go see in a bi-monthly basis. They were rich and did nothing with their time except spend money drinking and tricking others and wasting away. They were politicians and word masters and I was plain and had no head for political games. I was the first born son and they wanted me to fit in with them perfectly. Except I didn't and they did not like that at all. They spent much time and effort and money trying to convince me to be the perfect heir, and when I would not be convinced, they tried to force me. But I have a hardworking, free spirit that they could not chain or tame. So I ran away to do work with my hands that I could be proud of and create things that amazed me, all on my own merit. I did, and was exceedingly happy. When I married Noriko, an invitation was sent to them. They returned it with naught but three words of scorn._ Who is this? _was written on it... Noriko was a great comfort during that time._ Tou-san’s usually soft, loving, content eyes are reminiscing and hurt. Nana can't help throwing a hug around him and holding him tight. Kaa-san joins.

 _We sent a notification to them when we knew for sure I wouldn't be fully mobile anymore,_ tou-san continues, _but they never replied. They never came searching for me._

Nana nods, starting to cry from the emotions in her tou-san. She feels like he has cried more tears over this issue than she ever could, but this issue has been worked past and gotten over and is no longer worth crying about to tou-san, so she cries this once and promises herself that she will never cry again for this reason.

Kaa-san bends down, still holding tou-san’s hand and offering silent support, no less robust for that, and _looks_ deeply into Nana’s eyes.

 _Blood matters, but you can overcome it,_ kaa-san imparts to her, searching Nana intently for understanding. _What matters in a family is love. Love and acceptance and support and so many other things. You can accept anyone as family. You get to choose who that is for you._

_Blood matters most in the beginning, when you cannot change who you live with and you have to love them. But as you grow older and gain understanding and experience, blood matters less and who you choose matters more. Be careful of cutting blood ties, for once cut, they can never be reforged to their previous potency. But you do have the choice, and for your tou-san, that was the right choice._

These words reassure Nana, and she repeats them giddily, without the story, to her siblings. Though it will be a long time before any of them discover the full scope of meaning of them and actually consider using them, that night Nana and Sukune crawl into bed together and giggle late into the night, even allowing Rentoka to join them for a bit of cuddling.

-.-.-.-

Nana has always been intuitive. Emotions and picking out how other people feel are easy for her. Some people don’t appreciate it, but they don’t have to. She has her family, and she’s fine.

She puts it to good use, helping people that look down, especially her family, and the talent grows the more she relies upon it. Her testimony of family and love grow every day with the examples set by her parents. _She_ grows, smarter and lovelier and more intuitive by the day.

-.-.-.-

Nana has siblings, two of them, and they are wonderful, if sometimes annoying. Nana is the middle child. The oldest is Rentoka. The youngest is Sukune, a brother.

Rentoka has tou-san’s eyes and kaa-san’s hair and tou-san’s mother’s face, all except the eyes. She is thirteen. She doesn't see the world quite the way kaa-san and Nana do, filled with wonder and delight and new things every day, or even like tou-san, filled with things to do and be fixed. Rentoka sees the world as simply there, and a lot of times unfair. She's lazy if at all possible, and spends the majority of her time reading magazines, taking photos, taking care of her waist-length hair, or with her siblings. She’s sarcastic and blunt and very fond of sleeping. Her grades aren't the best, but Rentoka already knows she’s going to be a hair stylist, so she gets the grades needed to graduate respected and dismisses the rest as unimportant.  Rentoka inherited kaa-san’s knack for numbers, though, so she’ll probably be fine when she opens up her hairstyling business. (Kaa-san and Rentoka spend a lot of their bonding time doing each other’s and Nana’s hair. Despite having the easiest time of all of them managing her hair, Nana doesn't do much with it. They see that as a waste.) Rentoka can really get things done fast, despite being lazy. She’s quick and efficient so that she can go back to being lazy faster. Rentoka acts like she has a deathly fear of all things involving physical exercise, too. She’s slightly chubby, but still astonishingly beautiful, and can't run faster than tou-san can roll in his wheelchair. Tou-san has won the majority of their races, actually. To make up for it, Rentoka absolutely adores motorcycles. She’ll get one when she saves enough money. Even though she’s not normally confrontational, in defense of her family she packs a mean punch and kick. (She's strong anyway, just usually doesn't have the motivation to do anything with her strength.)

Nana is eleven and hasn’t quite entered puberty or the stage of life where she questions who she is and gains new depth to her personality. That will come later, she knows, but she is content for now. With tou-san’s straight light brown hair and lively brown eyes, she looks harmless and lovely, the perfect yamato nadeshiko. She doesn’t do much to dissuade this line of thought, picking up cooking and gardening and cleaning and humming from her mother. Reading is one of her hobbies too and she’s quite proud of her vocabulary. She takes life as it comes and loves all sides it has to offer, with the wonder and relish that she's always had and will never fade. Her favorite animals are butterflies, for they remind her of herself a lot, and she gains a habit of dropping everything and running after them if one appears. She smiles often and brightly, with laughter to match, and her goal to spread joy and her view of the world goes accomplished more often than not. Joy just works that way, multiplying in leaps and bounds, and Nana can't keep it all inside! She has to share it, she has to see the smiles and happiness on other people’s faces! That said, if someone threatens her family, a glint of something sharp can be seen lurking just under her smiling face, and she can practically tear out hearts when her talent with words and stories is put to good use. Not to mention the pranks she comes up with afterwards.

Sukune is seven. He’s adopted but not any less family for that, though it takes a while to convince him. He has short wavy black hair and dark green eyes and a Chinese face. He gets bullies for that a lot and Rentoka slugs them across the face and Nana’s smile gains an edge that gives the observant ones shivers. He is a little shy at first but bursts with as much energy as Nana when he gets going, if he feels comfortable with you. He shies away from physical contact from everyone but his immediate family, a consequence of abuse that will probably never fade. And he goes completely red when someone compliments him, so Rentoka and kaa-san do it often. Sculpting is his artistic hobby, besides knowing how to do the minimum of at least three hairstyles and practicing regularly. (No one can escape those moments. Tou-san braids kaa-san’s hair and the goes back to whittling in a corner. Sukune usually tries to escape to the corner with him, and usually they let him go, but sometimes they don't and teach him to do hair, even kicking and screaming.) He’s only beginning at sculpting now, but Nana has faith that it  will grow into something beautiful. He’s picked up tou-san’s love of working with his hands and working hard, combined with kaa-san’s passion for nursing plants and earth and his own favor for artistic flair and colors. Nana would put half her spice collection on Sukune becoming a landscaper. He’s not very manly, but that doesn't matter. He has the examples of tou-san and cousins and other men in the family to go to when he needs advice, and the whole family has faith that Sukune will be a blessing and a good provider for his future family. His voice is soft and rich and baritone, and he and a select few cousins like Mekura and Futese are the only ones that have talent in singing in the family.

They are family, above all, and they love and support each other and do all that family is supposed to do for one another, even occasionally needlessly antagonise each other. They are human, with gaping faults that are only too obvious, that they wish didn't have to be dealt with, but they accept each other wholeheartedly and with open minds, and that never fades.

-.-.-.-

Twelve-year-old Nana doesn't have a best friend in the traditional sense of the word. Instead, she has her family, siblings and parents and cousins, aunts and grandparents and tiny nephews. Her siblings are closest, of course, by virtue of spending the most time together when kaa-san is at work and tou-san is whittling and reading. Her parents are only a little less precious to her, because they find plenty of time to share with each other, with their whole family, despite being horribly busy. They dedicate themselves to it.

The other tweens at school don’t get it. They groan about their siblings and profess their undying hate, wear it like a badge, but all Nana can think is, _that’s so sad. They can’t stand the people they live with? Do they feel loved and accepted at home? … How do they live?_ Some of them actually do appreciate and love their families, but Nana can’t stop pitying those who don’t. She makes sure to give them extra-bright smiles in the hallway and hug her family more in front of them.

Some of them get it, but they don’t seem to have the easy camaraderie that the Nemure siblings do, the well-known-like-your-comfiest-shoes inside jokes and familiar, half-meant punches on the arm where you know every seam and worn edge. Nana’s best friends are her siblings, and she doesn’t need anyone else. She’s friends with everyone and no one at school.

(And when they mock her sometimes for it, or joke that she’s closer to her siblings than anyone else, it slides right off her. She doesn’t care if they don’t approve, doesn’t really care for their opinions at all.)

Sukune and Rentoka are hers, her lifeblood, the people that will always be there for her. They grew up around each other, in a way that someone not being there is unthinkable and unimaginable. With the removal of one person, they might be completely different people. Their bonds are deep and seemingly impenetrable, invulnerable.

-.-.-.-

What with spending a weekend every two months together, it’s not surprising that the family and cousins grow close together.

It goes unsaid but definitely acknowledged that Rentoka, Nana, and Sukune are siblings and thus have a tighter bond with each other than with the other cousins. It’s like that with all the siblings there.

However, there are a few only children there. They usually band together, acting like their own sibling ‘clique’. Rentoka is not a bashful person, and when she finds something interesting to potentially prod at she will only be dissuaded with a maiming or death, despite her laziness. So of course she finds this clique interesting, and decides to drag her siblings into it too. Apparently she decided the best way to deal with this would be information gathering and chose to start right off the bat when they arrived.  Everybody had gotten there but it was early enough that the grown-ups were still talking and hadn't gotten anything started yet.

Hmm, this might be fun! twelve-year-old Nana muses, eyes bright, being dragged along by the wrist. Just be careful not to overdo it, Ren!

Ren grunts. Nana giggles a little and doubts she has any plans of softening her personality at all.

I don’t see what I have to do with this, Sukune says, having gained some confidence since the abuse (Nana is so proud! His confidence might still be a bit lacking now, three years after adoption, but it’s definitely preferable to the trembling fits and flinches she had to deal with. She suspects Sukune is also rather glad to be over that stage. He has yet to make sarcastic comments to anyone else other than immediate family and people he implicitly trusts, but this gathering might change that. He’s been very courageous these last few weeks), and currently firmly entrenched in the sisters-have-cooties-and-do-things-I-don’t-want-to stage (Nana kind of regrets that he was never young enough while with them to be in the I-love-you-big-sister-forever-and-always stage, however muh he loves them. Supposedly he would have gone along with their antics better then), even though he’s not nearly as manly as he would like to think, and doesn’t need to be. Nana needs to get that into his head. Nobody but bullies care whether a boy is masculine or not, AND his interests should matter more than other people’s opinions. Then again, she’s probably underestimating the obvious verbal abuse. I’d rather be with the other boys.

Shh! Rentoka patronizes, not listening to anything not to do with her mission. Don’t scare them off.

Sukune rolls his eyes but doesn’t say anything else. Nana secretly theorizes that he’s not as deeply into the I-don’t-do-things-with-my-sisters mentality as previously thought, and is glad to be going with them. Just a bit.

They finally arrive, and Rentoka drops their wrists abruptly in front of Kyorike Yukine, Kyorike Tomino, and Sarime Kanheko. Neither Nana nor Sukune manages to remain upright. Nana accepts it with a little laugh, while Sukune pouts. Most likely, he thinks it’s a fierce manly scowl. It’s adorable.

Hello! Rentoka says, like they haven’t known each other for over five years. You know our names, and we know your names, and we’ve played together a lot and we’re good friends and cousins and stuff but we wanted to hang out with you and get to know you _better_ ! ‘Cause it’d be cool! Rentoka beams at this idea, Nana also adopts the expression, and the people they approached look hesitant but sort of amused because they do know Rentoka and her personality, they’re just not used to dealing with her so directly. And Sukune pouts more and mumbles _don’t lump me in with you_.

Okay, it’s cute to a point, but it’s getting old fast. This Sukune feels wrong, like he’s forcing his personality to change for other people. Which is probably what it is. There have been little hints dropped about this personality change in the past few weeks, like refusing to braid hair, gardening less but still glancing longingly outside at the plants, and even not being as enthusiastic about whittling. She needs to assure him that he’s perfectly acceptable and fine as soon as possible. It might not be to a certain amount of other people, but Nana couldn’t care less. Sukune is _her_ little brother, and she has more of a claim to him than some gender stereotyping strangers. Family supports and accepts each other, she _knows_ this, she just has to get Sukune to acknowledge it too.

Kanheko gives a nervous little grin and her okay. Yukine and Tomino glance at each other. Tomino nods coolly and Yukine fist-pumps the air, giving an enthusiastic, I don’t see why not! Let’s do it! (Nana privately thinks it has something to do with the way they were awkwardly standing around before that. Well, Yukine was on a GameBoy, but he wasn’t interacting, and if it was possible to play a GameBoy awkwardly, then he was.)

They sit down together and start talking. Favorite colors, hobbies, anime, school. They get into memories eventually, and share ones from former gatherings and individual families and school situations. When the time comes to play volleyball, they decline to join the game and decide to just watch while finishing their conversation. As they grew older, the gatherings became more relaxed in that you gradually didn’t have to participate in what the other kids your age were doing. Or at least there was less resistance. Since they’re almost teenagers, their group is a substantial amount of people, and they clearly want to continue this “getting to know each other better” thing, the other preteens leave them to it with minimal fuss. Sukune untangles from them at one point to rejoin the younger children, but the important thing is that he participated at all and will be more comfortable with the only children when they inevitably intrude on the Nemure family life a lot more than formerly. There’s much time yet to get to know them, anyway.

All the kids from the same age group have sat down and done things like this before, not to mention the family circles they have before departing each gathering, but this is on a smaller scale, more private, and therefore more personal and make-friends-not-just-be-cousins-y.

They break up after lunch when they filter back to the other preteens or their parents or the other people they choose to interact with at this time, but it becomes a Thing. They spare each other at least a few hours every family gathering to talk about stuff that goes on. Once they get comfortable enough with each other, they debate on things like the meaning of life, religion, and sexual identity. They eventually become a Group that meets outside of gatherings and goes to do stuff together. They become best friends. And that’s how it happened.

-.-.-.-

About a day later after that fateful family gathering, Nana has nothing to do. It’s a quiet moment, and Sukune has just arrived home from school. She allows him enough time to put his stuff away and then departs to see him.

 _I know you think you have to be a man,_ she starts earnestly, leaning forward on the bed close to Sukune’s wide green eyes below her. They stare intently up at her, even as his face is set in a defiant mask, ready to drink up her every word and rejoice or begin the process of putting himself back together again after a big verbal breakdown of his perceived weaknesses. She internally winces. _but that’s not exactly true. If you want to, that’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with that._

 _I want to!_ He speaks loudly, tossing his head, in desperate denial. _I don’t see why you have to have this conversation with me!_ **_Don’t reject me, please, I thought I could trust you - !_** is what Nana picks up underneath. She catches his arms and waits until he calms down enough to focus again before continuing.

 _There’s nothing wrong with that,_ she states again in a firm tone, Sukune calming even more and his eyes widening and uncovering more emotion the longer she talks to him. _But if you don’t feel like all the machoness is for you, and prefer to be a little softer and not roughhouse all the time, that’s completely okay._ It’s fine. _We will still love you the same, we’re your family! That’s what we’re here for. None of us will dislike you if you want to garden and whittle and sing! Those are perfectly acceptable things for a boy to do! I will get Rentoka to beat up anyone who says otherwise,_ Nana proclaims imperiously, nose in the air, and Sukune gives a watery little chuckle. _Those limits of what only girls can do and what only boys can do don’t apply in our family. We do what makes us happy, and because it makes you happy, whatever you like to do is accepted. It makes us happy to see you happy._

 _Really?_ Sukune asks with large awe-filled, wondering eyes. He looks down, and speaks in a soft, vulnerable voice, before trying to cover it up and failing miserably. _I mean, not that I would ever need anything like that. That emotional stuff is for girls._ he says. (Nana finds the urge to sic Rentoka on the person who forced him to conform to these standards increasing, and she decides not to fight it. Now she just needs a name.) Sukune looks up at her again with those adorable eyes, and she melts. His voice regains the vulnerable quality, and he fidgets with the edge of his blanket. _But if I did, you promise that’s true?_

 _Promise,_ Nana confirms, and kisses Sukune’s tears away discreetly, hugging him thoroughly before leaving the door ajar when she departs. Sukune had held onto her tight and full of relief. It might take a few days, but it will sink in. Nana smiles.

-.-.-.-

She is thirteen when she finally takes her mother aside and asks, in the early morning over a cup of tea when no one else is awake, why she is so cheerful and seemingly uncaring about tou-san’s condition. Isn't it a lot of work and hassle? she asks, wondering. Why would you put up with all that for so long?

Nana has seen how sometimes tou-san needs help to do things like go to the bathroom or shower or change clothes. Every day, kaa-san deals with it, uncomplaining and at complete ease. She did things like that in the early stages for Sukune, too. It's been years and years and Sukune is much better and doesn't need nearly as much maintenance as he used to. Nana is glad for that, as it was very tiring and draining. Tou-san's condition will never go away, not even a little bit. How is she not worn down by now?

Kaa-san looks back at her with the resilient eyes of a woman who has borne much and knows secrets of life and children and growing up, and smiles a brilliant smile. Nana is taken aback. She wonders again how her mother could bear all this with such a happy, dedicated smile, this burden that Nana would have broken down under.

Kaa-san leans into her daughter, enough that their foreheads touch, and her hands come up to cup her daughter’s face. The smile softens and kaa-san’s eyes brighten and soften and hold endless wisdom. In that moment, Nana has her answer; she doesn't need to hear anything from her mother.

Flashes of actions replay themselves, laughter and tears and years of being pushed on swings and hugged. She remembers caring for Sukune in the beginning, endless patience, picked up from following kaa-san’s example, and explaining to Rentoka why she took care of him when he shivered and was vulnerable. _Family,_ she thinks. _Love. Oh._ She still _looks_ at her mother, gazing in wonder and silence and feeling the love and protectiveness of a mother.

Kaa-san releases a breath onto Nana’s mouth and breathes in deeply again. Her eyes twinkle and shine and tell her daughter they see that she realizes. Still, she answers, in a soft feminine whisper that does not need to stay feminine but there’s a special kind of relationship for women in a family, so it does.

 _Family,_ she whispers, _love. Because love makes you capable of doing almost anything, even when you could not have done it with all the strength in the world before. Because family means supporting each other forever, even in ways that you never dreamed you would have to do or that you never wish you would have to._

_What is my husband’s physical condition compared to the love we share, compared to our Will and Resolve to live on and be there for our family?_

And Nana nods, overwhelmed by the answer that has more to it than she ever expected and more emotion than she was prepared to process. She ends up ignoring the rest of her tea and going around the table to sit in kaa-san’s lap and cuddle until all her tears are spent and she finishes absorbing the perfect, beautiful answer that she _knows_ is right.

-.-.-.-

After lunch one time when she is fourteen and just starting to really question the mechanics of family and love, she sits by the elders and just listens to them talk. They’re all swapping stories of when they were young, or what their kids were like, or how they raised their children. In each story, Nana can find a lesson on love and family, and so she sits there, silently, intently absorbing everything they have to share.

The next time she approaches them to quietly take an unobtrusive seat in their circle to simply listen, the elders turn to her with wise eyes spiralling with wisdom and brimming with lessons, and talk. What’s a young thing like you doing, wasting away in the corner and listening to ancient ones talk, while you could be running around with others?, they query, and Nana says, _I am here to learn about family and love._

Their ancient eyes light with understanding and gentleness, and they tell her many tales about family, all of which she draws good lessons from. Some give her pieces of advice directly.

_Love and family go hand in hand._

_You can withstand anything if you have family to stand alongside you._

_You do the best you can for your family, even if it's not enough._

_Sometimes to support them you have to go against them and what they think they want._

_And sometimes letting go,_ one whispers to her before releasing her for the day when it is time to go home. Their eyes glint and shine and there are mystical little smiles on their faces. She can tell they have dearly enjoyed teaching and sharing with her.

 _Thank you,_ she bids them before returning to her tiniest, most closely knit family. She spends quite a while of the next week pondering over their words and striving to apply them in real life, and she discovers more and more that most of the lessons have already been in place in her life and family for some time. Some of them, however, she does not understand, not yet, though she will. She will discover them later and look back on her ancestor’s whispers, and laugh at their wisdom in wonder.

Every once in a while, she still spends the afternoon of the family gathering day settling down on the fringes of the elders and absorbing what they have to teach her. She does not speak much, though many opportunities are given to her. She is there to learn.

Eventually Rentoka grows curious, and comes once to listen with her and play with their hair. After that, she comes with Nana every time to be guided and stuffed with stories of mishaps and hardships, silent strength and overcoming. A few other cousins pick up this habit, but not many. Most find it boring and cannot find or taste the love and family in the stories.

But Nana can. She is an emotionally attuned young woman, and her life is devoted to love and family. Rentoka is not as good, but she still picks many up, and when she doesn’t, Nana leans over their clasped hands and shares in her ear the little phrases that make up the heart of the anecdotes. Many of them repeat, the same lesson story after story, and somehow Nana never grows tired of them. Somehow Nana always manages to listen with rapt, never-slipping attention, wondering and pondering and thanking every god she knows that she feels love and family every day.

-.-.-.-

When she is fifteen, something unthinkable happens. Tomino calls with the news that his father has died. His voice is oddly subdued, even for Tomino, who tries not to speak as much as he can get away with and has a rather flat tone when he does.

The news hits all of them hard. That was their uncle, and part of their family. He was kinda formal and laconic, but he had the best deadpan sense of humor that added to family-wide discussions. They all knew him relatively well. Though the adults have gone through many family deaths and that will continue to be the case, this is the first that has impacted Nana, the first time it was really someone she knew. As shocked as Nana is, she holds more pity for her best friend and cousin, who is the only son and despite only being a year older than her has to plan the wake and funeral and everything else. His mother died when he was a baby and all he had left was his father. He was a man that had worked tirelessly, much like tou-san, to support his family, and Tomino loved (loves) him deeply. It's a good thing that Tomino is already eighteen and was going to move out anyway.

The wake and funeral are dreary and everyone wears black. It ends up raining. Everyone who still goes to the family gatherings comes anyway, even old Grandpa Riwe who’s paralyzed from the waist down and Uncle Genusu who sits in the corner and glares at the others in family gatherings, but doesn’t do much to dissuade the children that come up to him and pester him for cool war stories. Other than the family, nobody comes, because Tomino’s father was a very private person and did not interact with many people other than his family.

Their little group of only children and the Nemure siblings stay with Tomino through it all, and when it’s all over and Tomino carries the urn full of ashes back to his house, they collapse in the living room together, laughing and crying and just being there for Tomino as he grieves harder than any of them.

Nana is solemn for once, pondering heavily and just supporting her friend in his suffocating silence. She contemplates all the advice the family elders have imparted to her, and the fragility of life. She broods over feelings and desolation and how quickly your whole manner of living can change, one tragedy and your life ruined until you find the courage and motivation to get back up again. She has never been so grateful for her parents and their realistic, purposeful, relentless focus on their family and never letting their children suffer for their accidents or mistakes. They take life and do the best they can with it, no matter what happens, and they have thrived. Nana wants to be like that.

Tomino clings to Nana and Yukine as he cries himself to sleep. Nana holds him and sings to him, comforting him just like she used to comfort Sukune, except tailored to fit circumstance. He needs no words to communicate how he is feeling to them; he cannot _find_ the words. All he has is emotion, and that comes in the form of tears and holding close what he has, and they understand a little and long to understand a lot. Nana whispers in his ear the one piece of advice from the elders that confused her the most, that she never comprehended, until now. And even though she realizes objectively now, she knows that it will tear her apart when she learns the practical lesson.

 _Sometimes letting go,_ she imparts to Tomino, brushing his ear with her breath and heavy-weighted sorrow. And when he asks her deliriously over the phone a week later to come over and drink with him and Yukine, she is there to hide the rest of the sake. She is there to embrace them when they cry and when they shroud the rest of their souls’ tears, anguish, and lostness in brittle, almost-broken laughter, and remind them that _it's okay to grieve, let all your emotions_ _out_. _I love you, we love you, we are never going to stop._

The next morning they wake up with pounding headaches, all except Nana, and it distracts from the throbbinggapingstillbleeding wound, but doesn't compare in the slightest. They still complain and groan about their consequences of last night, Tomino in his nonverbal but exceedingly clear nonetheless way, and Nana rolls her eyes and scolds them in the absence of Kanheko to do it for them. Before she departs for home and cooking and school once again, she takes them in her arms (they don't even squirm) (they need this so bad, she hurts for the death but more for her best friend and his misery) and says, low and serious and slowly but surely discovering how cruel life can be, _i get it, it’s painful and we’re all suffering, but you need to let go of the anguish and hurt. Don't let go of him or the memories, but he needs to move on. He needs your blessing to move on._ She never looks away from Tomino’s eyes, trying to understand but heavy and dark with loss, so so hurt and almost mutilated (so similar to Sukune’s, and in that moment he’s not two years her senior, age doesn't matter, he’s lost and needs somewhere to look and something to do), and she attempts to convey comfort and sincerity through her own eyes.

He is unresponsive, his eyes shutter and turn to ice, as she kisses the two boys on the cheek, trades glances with Yukine, and gives them one last squeeze as she ducks out.

But three days later Yukine calls to inform her that Tomino is well enough that he's moving out and will only be checking up with the stoic young adult once a day. She hears the subtext and breathes a sigh of relief.

-.-.-.-

When she is sixteen, two things happen. Neither of them are positive. (Where did those carefree days go, when she had nothing to do but run after bubbles and butterflies and try to catch Rentoka’s hair dangling in front of her, to gaze at the beautiful strands and twist them the way that fascinated her?)

First, obaa-san Raweto passes away, just six months after the last family death. The funeral is much like Tomino’s father’s, but even more dreary and desolate, despite the sky being open and unclouded. Every time someone cries, it’s entwined with desperate laughter. She was that kind of a person; kind and loud, always laughing and twisting everything into an optimistic light. It just feel doesn’t right to have a funeral this sad for her, yet there’s nothing else they can do. The atmosphere reflects what they all feel, the world having been deprived of another bright spot, and their own personal worlds having been scrambled up again with the snuffing of a guiding, formerly-constant light.

Nana doesn’t remember much, other than crying her eyes out. In the times where she’d sit with the elders, replete and rich with stories and laughter, Raweto-san had guffawed from her belly and enjoyed the world to the fullest. It was bound to happen to someone, but she’d wanted to delay it as long as possible, denying reality after realizing what Tomino’s loss meant: _we’re not invincible, not built to last, we all crumble to dust someday…_

One thing she does recall is making her way, somehow, to a group of solemn elders who are nevertheless swapping comments and softly snarking about the decorations and people’s clothes. Tears obscure her vision as she falls to her knees in front of them, and though she wants to demand WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING DON’T YOU SEE THAT WON’T HELP PAY HER RESPECT PROPERLY, she also wants them to embrace her and soothe all her worries. She can’t scream around the lump in her throat and the tears, anyway; she can barely breathe.

One of them drags her up and into her lap, and hushes her, singing into her ears and letting her cry. A few huddle around and just support her from there, one brushes her hair, and the rest stay a respectful distance back and let her cope, knowing she will get over this eventually. It is only one death out of the many she is likely to experience, after all, perhaps special because it is the most eye-opening. Still, they advise her: _let it all out, that’s right, you feel loss, don’t you? that’s right, you won’t see her again, but it’s okay, we will never forget her, will we? that’s all that matters. you have to know when to let go, let it out now, the tidal wave will sweep over you, and you have to let it out. now is the right time to grieve, just think about that, and soon you will have to let go of all the grief. but for now don’t fight it. we’ll be there when you need us to tell you to let go._

Her parents arrive and pry her away from them, picking her up like they used to and guiding her to the car. By this time, she’s mostly stopped crying and her mind is just numb and sniffling.

-.-.-.-

And they’re right, by the time of the next family gathering two months later it’s mostly swept over but she’s trying to bury the sadness and resentment deep down where it won’t surface, though her eyes glint with bitterness and an awareness that she didn’t have before.

Before she can even be swept into her friend group, her elders gently pull her over and tell her she needs to let go. She learns what it really is, then, keeping the memories and personality of a person with you but never being able to see or interact with them again, and making peace with it. Letting the bitterness go and accepting it, not necessarily being happy with it, yet not forgetting Raweto and her distinctive, warming laugh.

The implications terrify her. One day, she will have to do this all over again, with her parents or siblings, people even more precious, and she cannot imagine losing them, cannot imagine their absence in her daily life. But she breathes deeply, draws on the words and advice of her elders and parents, and takes it inhale by exhale. She can smile and deal with it when it comes, with the support of those always with her.

-.-.-.-

Fifteen to sixteen is the era of death. Nana grows up so much these years, sees so much of what she wishes she never would have. But then again, that’s life, as she’s discovering, family, love, and sometimes letting go. She’s growing up, and gaining experiences, and it’s just as painful for her as it is for others.

-.-.-.-

The second thing that happens when she is sixteen is that Rentoka starts her emo phase and starts biking in earnest. So much so, in fact, that she’s told by the gang that has control of the area she frequents that she has to join them or stop biking. Of course she chooses to join. Something fundamental _changes_ , and somehow the house isn’t quite as comfortable as it used to be. This leads to Rentoka being out for increasing periods of time and her slacking in college. She comes home covered in cuts, wearing things she never would have worn before, and covered in the pungent odor of cigarette smoke. It leads to stressed parents staying up and waiting for her, and kaa-san taking time off work to manage the situation and fill in the gaps, complete the chores that Rentoka had never complained about before now. The house is filled with wisps and whispers of where she used to lounge, and echoes of her laugh and sarcastic remarks, bickering back and forth lazily with Sukune. The areas she used to haunt can’t be avoided, because their house isn’t that big by any stretch of the imagination, but whenever they pass by an area, they drag their fingers along the wall and breath out in the elastic, penetrating silence, before hurrying past.

Nana can’t stand it. Kaa-san’s smile is more brittle now and tou-san rarely speaks anymore, and she can’t stand it.

The last straw is when the skirting not-quite-confrontations between kaa-san and Rentoka became screaming matches that ended up with Rentoka seething and kaa-san crying.

Nana remembers _sometimes to support family you have to go against them and what they think they want,_ and steels her resolve. She will go and slap some sense into Rentoka, and then maybe this will seem less surreal (and at the same time painfully vivid).

She hovers at the threshold while Rentoka sits defiantly on the bed, glaring at her, already anticipating what she’s here for. Eventually, Nana breaks the tense standstill.

 _What are you doing?_ she asks, voice barely a murmur, a small, timid, vulnerable thing, so unlike her. _You’re hurting kaa-san. You’re hurting all of us. You see it, I know you do, and I know you don’t want to. Why do you keep doing this?_

Rentoka stares at her stoically, her body language completely uninterested and relaxed. Her eyes are half-mast, and something flows over the vulnerability in Nana, hardening and hiding it. She thinks of how worried and constantly on edge her family is, and it’s all her sister’s fault. Someone she never would have thought, something that never should have happened...

 _Stop it!_ she says, voice the same volume as before but with no hint of weakness, just cold steely rage. _You’re hurting us, and I don’t know you any more, and_ we can’t handle this _! Wake up from your little bubble and realize that you’re not the only one going through problems, and you’re not the center of our universe!_ Wake up _! Stop being stupid! All of us need to be on board to make this work, and it’s crumbling apart without you._

 _But I guess you don’t care,_ she finishes, still enveloped by fury and not at all moved by the flaring pain she can see in the eyes of her sister, where the rest of her face is still impassive and perfectly unreadable.

Nana spins on her heel and barely restrains herself from storming to the kitchen, where she cooks out her aggression.

-.-.-.-

If Nana’s words have made a dent in Rentoka’s reckless attitude, it is nothing compared to what happens when tou-san gets to Rentoka, only a little after Nana.

It is something Nana will never forget, the first of two times she will ever see him so outraged.

Nana is doing dishes, and tou-san pulls Rentoka into the family room, in full view of the kitchen. Tou-san sits in his wheelchair and Rentoka stands rigidly, fists curled at her sides as if ready to defend herself at a moment’s notice. It makes a part of Nana unbearably sad. _What has it come to, that my sister feels so unwelcome in her own home, as if we would attack her?_

There is silence for a while, as tou-san studies Rentoka quietly and unnervingly. Nana knows because she’s gotten that look too, and she hates it. Rentoka’s body tenses further, if that’s even possible, and then it spills over and she starts fidgeting.

 _You made my wife cry,_ tou-san finally begins, voice low and unhurried and weighting the words against each other. _She never cries. You are my child, my beloved, but I need an apology from you. Not just in words, but in actions. You need to stop and face the music. Your behavior is incredibly selfish, destructive, and childish. You are single-handedly tearing down everything I have painstakingly worked for these past eight years, everything your mother and I have_ slaved _over to give you a happier life. You are ripping apart your family._

_You will cease these indescribably, unbelievably self-centered, conceited actions, or you will no longer be welcome in this house._

He holds her shocked gaze for minutes and then wheels away out of the room to resume comforting his wife.

In a speech half the size of what Nana had said earlier, tou-san had managed to force Rentoka awake.

Needless to say, Rentoka presents a formal apology the next day and is welcomed back into the fold as if she’d never left. Well, not quite, as she is grounded from her bike for quite a bit and there is awkwardness between the siblings now to work around, but they get past that quickly enough and resolve to talk out problems from then on.

-.-.-.-

Her siblings have changed, like Nana, filling slowly into themselves more and more as time passes.

Rentoka, now, doesn't get so hot headed. She's learned the fine art of wrangling her opponent into complete submission and humiliation with words only, something Nana thinks tou-san taught her. (Even if he had no talent compared to the rest of his family, he still had some, just in his own way. And it was his family’s fault that they couldn't see that.) Her favorite color is still green, and she still loves motorcycles, but she’s definitely more cautious and has learned to stand up for herself just as much as she continues to stand up to the people who think that hurting her family, physically or emotionally, is feasible.

Her base personality doesn't change. She's still lazy, efficient, and has the same worldview. She's better at physical activity, but not by much, and still chubby. Even her hobbies are the same, but she has less time for them now that she’s out of high school and finally starting up her hair salon.

The biggest change is in the experience she's gained from her life so far and how that tempers who she is and increases her self-control. Her acidic tongue lashes out less often and as much as possible on people who can handle it. She focuses less on herself and does her chores with a happier attitude and much more thoroughness. She can actually force herself to put aside her hair or a magazine and pick up finances and work. Kaa-san and tou-san look on this approvingly and help her with what she needs.

Sukune is much more social at family gatherings and sculpture club, much more willing to talk to people and show them his true self. He stops using Rentoka’s habit of blunt sarcasm to defend himself, and grows a bigger immunity to verbal insults every day. His habit of flinching when someone raises a hand up right in front of him never goes away, and neither does the increased stuttering when someone becomes angry at him. But no one blames him for these ingrained habits, least of all Nana.

He's a fine young man, truly handsome, even with (especially because of) his atypical Chinese face and shoulder-blade length hair. He is fabulously elegant and artistic, surprisingly dramatic when he wants to be, and still has the manners of a finely cultivated young woman. Nana thinks he’s perfect, and she’s perfectly willing to knock the snot (verbally and emotionally) out of anyone who says otherwise, Rentoka right behind her. He’s sort of soft-spoken, still, but it's one of the things they love most about him. Most of the sharp prickly edges that poked people around him have softened, and so he has a big friend group at school comprised of protective females as willing to stand up for him as his siblings that love his ideas and hair and patience, not to mention his art, though there are still bullies. That quickly learn the error of their ways. He hasn't quite adopted the habit of courage against the face of bullies, yet, but Nana has hope. And even if he doesn't, he has them, his family and friends.

Nana could not wish for better siblings.

-.-.-.-

Nana is nineteen now, and as unbelievable as it seems, she is ready to leave the home that now houses only her parents and Sukune. She is ready to step into the adult world and do her best to support herself, learning by trial and error what will work and what won’t. She doesn’t go to college, as she is planning on marrying and being a homemaker like her mother, nurturing her family and giving them all she has to offer. The fond, bright memories she has of when her mother stayed at home all day and had nothing but time and love to smother her children in are some of her favorites. She really, really wants to be there for her children like that.

But she has a backup plan in case things go out like they did when the accident happened, like any well-prepared young woman would. She can cook like nobody’s business and manage her own accounts well enough that she can open a restaurant, if needed. Even that is only if she can’t get a job as a chef or waitress, though. Owning a business is a lot of work and extra tax money. Extra money in general, to pay for utilities and rent space and employees and advertising… yeah, she’s picked up a lot from her mother’s and sister’s work.

Leaving the house doesn’t mean she’s cutting herself off from family, as kaa-san reassures her many times. She’ll come home every other weekend, like Rentoka does, and cook and exude happiness and be there. She’ll come to the family gatherings and nothing about her familial relationships will change except not being at home.

Well, the most important things won’t. As hard as it is for Nana to let go of the house she’s lived in all her life and the shelter and protection it provides, it’s harder for her parents. They have to let go of _her_ , of being able to be there for her right away always and protecting her implicitly, as a minor still depending on them for livelihood and nourishment, physical, emotional, and mental.   

 _Those nineteen years have passed in a blur, for us,_ tou-san sighs one day, sorrow and resignation surfacing in his eyes. _Even if you had spent all your life with us, it would never have been enough time. Oh well. You know how painful it is to have someone else do this to you._ Nana nods, thinking about how painful Rentoka’s departure had been.

 _It is painful for us, because we love you beyond the sun and stars, beyond galaxies, and we want to do everything for you and protect you from the cruel world outside our walls._ He says, his resolve shining in his eyes. Then tou-san’s eyes harden a bit and gaze up at her, full of love and trust. _But it is your time, just as it was mine once-upon-a-time. I know what it feels like, to be ready to leave and face life and do things for yourself. At the same time, it pains you to leave your family, and it’s also kind of scary, not to have anyone to fall back on or take care of problems for you. But you are ready, and that is the nature of all animals, to grow and learn and experience and, when the time is right, let go._

This statement, this advice, sums up Nana’s mixed feelings and concerns very well. She sniffles and tries not to drown in her self-pity. (She doesn’t want to let go, she doesn’t want to leave and miss Sukune’s absentminded singing in the morning and cooking breakfast with kaa-san before anybody else is awake - )

The inevitability of the fast-approaching moment envelops them all, and Nana runs into the open arms of her amazing, thoughtful, steady, wise parents. Love falls over them like a blanket, and no more words are (need to be) exchanged.

-.-.-.-

The embrace that Nana and Rentoka shared when Rentoka finally left the house after getting her own apartment and gradually winding up her own business was the fiercest they had ever shared, and now it is the same with Sukune.

She comprehends, now, what it is like to be the giver of that embrace, and it is different, not in a tangible way, but in a small way that tugs at her heartstrings and makes all the difference.

 _I will not let you down, I will blossom and make this separation worth it,_ she has to promise through her hug, and he accepts it in that vulnerable way that is distinctly Sukune. And when they slip out of it, she feels the bit she is letting go, feels the slack she’s introducing into their bond acutely.

It is the same way with the rest of them, only as different as each of their relationships demand.

-.-.-.-

Nana finds a job as a part-time waitress, part-time cook easily enough. It's a little harder to find an apartment, but she calls up Sukune and Rentoka and they go to a nice little cafe and catch up while looking at what's available.

She gradually steps more and more into the responsibility of an adult, paying taxes and bills and rent, managing her accounts and getting herself to the family gatherings. It's exhilarating! She never knew she was this capable!

Still… she hasn't let go of her family as much as she should have. She comes over every weekend and talks once to her kaa-san and once to her tou-san every week over the phone besides that, and the siblings try to meet up as often as possible. But Rentoka gets /really/ busy managing her business and Sukune spends more and more time sculpting and landscaping. She finds herself drifting away from them incrementally, not like breaking apart their relationship, just becoming less dependent on them and their constant presence in her life. She makes tentative friends out of her coworkers. She… is okay. It’s a bit painful, and she still has bouts of homesickness, but they no longer reduce her to tears and/or depression where she can't do anything for hours.

She doesn't let go, simply loosens her tight grip. (She is selfish, and that will have to be enough for now.)

-.-.-.-

**“This life wasn’t even close to perfect, but it didn’t have to be. It was hers, and the laughter and dazzling smiles were mixed into her glass of lemonade along with tears and crushing depression. With a bias towards sunshine and winks, of course.”**

-.-.-.-


	2. Part 2: Iemitsu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...  
>  Iemitsu.  
> Enough said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hahaha buckle up.
> 
> Warnings: life happens, all backstory made up, telling not showing, every sort of style I could come up with to signal speaking except quotation marks (except for some scenes in the beginning where it didn't make much of a difference), so much fluff, so much angst, Iemitsu, and a deep exploration of Nana/Iemitsu’s relationship. You may want to kill Iemitsu by the end. Also angst.
> 
> ps live reviewing would make my week ^^ I love reactions
> 
> -.-.-.-

-.-.-.-

 

Pt 2

Iemitsu

 

-.-_-.-,

 

**“She was bright, blinding, and so many people wanted a piece of her - just to be near her. But she followed the road less traveled, heedless of popularity or wisdom, guided by the pure instincts of her heart. And she suffered for it.”**

-.-_-.-,

At twenty-one, Nana is a ripening flower, ready for plucking. At least that’s what Rentoka and Yukine say. They side-glare any man who approaches her on the street, looking smitten and slightly drooly, and Nana doesn't help at all with her bright smiles and tiny finger-waves.

She goes on regular dates to work out what type of person she likes, much to their whole group’s chagrin. But she likes getting to know people and making them smile, and if she doesn't get anything else from the dates, at least she comes away knowing she made another person happy.

-.-.-.-

One day she’s cooking at work, half-obscured by the counter, when she hears Tinure welcome a customer with the chirpy tone she’s asked Nana to repeat hundreds of times. The waitress still can't pull it off perfectly, but it's good enough and still developing.

Tinure brings the order for an apple milk tea and two gyoza buns, and Nana asks her, “What’s he like?”

She heard a deep rich voice earlier that could only belong to a man ordering. _He must be really handsome,_ she sighs in her mind. She is a proud hopeless romantic.

Tinure giggles and winks. “I know how you are,” she says slyly. “He’s blond and buff, and has the voice to slay dragons. Not to mention polite and charming! Just your type!”

Nana’s eyes gleam. “Do anything you have to to ensure his return,” she instructs, and Tinure nods seriously.

-.-.-.-

The next time he comes, she’s waiting tables. Technically, she already has seven customers to serve and so should leave it to someone who has less like Tinure or Sintaya, but she switches two with Tinure in exchange for buying her a cupcake and coffee later.

She was right, he’s sooo handsome! It's almost unfair how she's graced with his presence now but in less than a half hour he'll be gone.

His laugh is rich and deep, and his eyes have a determined, focused, yet amused gleam in them. She's never seen a handsomer guy. He has a sculpted body. He must be so fit~! He’s also impeccably polite and charming. She curses the amount of times she's blushed so far. It must be truly ridiculous, and yet he hasn't stopped! This day is blessed, she feels.

Is it okay if I come back? he asks, in the process of handing the payment to her. His hand lingers on hers, and the place he’s touching heats up.

A-ano… yes, of course! she stammers. Her muddled mind had been incapable of thought for a moment there. But yes, she really wants him to come back!

Chuckling, he brushes a kiss on her knuckles and stands up. Then I’ll make sure to come again! he says, beaming and ignoring how red Nana’s face turns. Thank you for the wonderful tea and refreshments.

-.-.-.-

The same time next week, he returns. He’s as charming and handsome as always. It quickly becomes a weekly routine, and Nana doesn't even deny to herself that she looks forward to all his visits, especially the surprise ones! Tinure keeps nudging her to just kiss him and confess already, but Nana shoves her good-naturedly and exclaims it’s not that simple.

She’s lost in thought about his smile and mourning the time she has to spend without him when the real article himself appears. “Iemitsu!” she almost-squeals, and hugs him tightly.

“Nana-chan!” he returns, gripping her harder. Then he lets go slowly, reluctantly, and she whips around for a menu, although she really shouldn't bother. He always orders the same thing.

“Let's go!” she says brightly, and walks with him to his usual spot by the window.

“It’s pretty,” he comments, gazing out at the street. And indeed it is, with sakura petals floating by on the breeze and a spring fragrance in the air.

“It’s always beautiful this time of year,” she states, tucking her hair behind her ear and eyes softening in wonder at the scene outside. “Japan is beautiful.”

“But not as beautiful as you,” he retorts, and is that a breathless tone? How long has he been staring at her like that, like she’s a priceless treasure and the only one in his world? She blushes scarlet to her hairline in embarrassment and delight.

He finishes the fatality combo with a kiss on the cheek, and she’s rooted to the spot. “Hmm,” she hums insensibly, touching her cheek.

“You’re so adorable, Nana-chan!” Iemitsu coos.

“Yes, got it!” Tinure exclaims not nearly quiet enough, pocketing a video camera.

Nana’s trance is broken, and she whirls around. “What did you do, Tinure!” She inquires hotly.

“I think I’ll send this to… Rentoka and Sukune, was it?” Tinure questions needlessly, saucy grin in place and not a little smug.

“At least send it to me too!” Nana wails.

“I would also like that,” a deep voice agrees from behind her, and Nana registers a warm, firm torso pressing into her back and a head on her shoulder. She blushes again.

Tinure giggles at the picture they make, and then it evolves into little cackles.

“Well, you’re still on shift, so don't kiss her too thoroughly, lover boy,” she throws at Iemitsu. “She has to still be sensible and aware for work. I’ll see about setting a date for you guys up this weekend. Till then.”

Nana eeps when Iemitsu kisses her cheek and unfurls from behind her. “I’ll have the usual, please,” he reminds her in a low, amused husky tone which she doesn't quite manage not to shiver at.

The “aware for work” part doesn't quite happen either.

-.-.-.-

The next few weeks and months speed by in a blur of dates and kisses and pleasant tingles whenever she sees her love. Nana floats around in her own blissful dreamland. Iemitsu keeps giving her flowers, and they make her coo and squeal over them every time. His favorites to give her are white calla lilies, daffodils, and birds of paradise.

He walks her home and helps with restaurant cleanup whenever he can. She gets to know him well enough to realize that often, work calls him suddenly, quickly, and for long periods of time. But that doesn’t decrease the love she has in the slightest!

-.-.-.-

Nana could wax poetic about Iemitsu for days. But as amazing as he is, he does have his faults.

He is forgetful, often discounts hygiene, tends to babble and drink sake way too much, acts impulsively, tends to automatically assume everything's about him, and has a perpetually tousled appearance that doesn't suit him. Nana recommends keeping his hair down to about an inch to him, and after that it’s better.

Still, she knows that no one is perfect, and that she isn't likely to find a more charming, handsome, dedicated man that shares love as deep and fluffy as theirs.

So she gently reminds him of the things he forgets, and she loves and depends on him in a way that she can tell he needs. He is so vulnerable, she can tell, under that genial-but-rock-hard exterior.

And she knows that she's not perfect either. He loves her giggling, but sometimes she overdoes it, and she can't keep up with all the concepts he tries to discuss with her. She's just not as smart as he is. She also misses perfectly obvious things occasionally and is not as cautious as she should be. And that's just the stuff that she's aware of.

But they love each other deeply, and they never have any real problems working past those things and communicating about them.

So when he proposes, of course she says yes~!

-.-.-.-

Sometime after the fifth date, when she realizes they are on their way to hopefully becoming permanent, she insists he come over to her apartment and have dinner for the next date.

It is less romantic than he probably wants, but she sets down the meal, dishes out servings, allows him to peck her lips, and then begins the Talk.

 _If we're going to work, we have to set standards,_ she informs him, settling her elbows on the table and leaning towards him. _We have to be able to communicate and know what's most important for each other. Establish boundaries and related issues._

He looks surprised and vaguely uncomfortable. Shifting a bit, he wipes his mouth and nods a bit. _I suppose so._

This is why they have to do this - if they were different people maybe he'd have been able to read romantic boundaries and standards off her better, but he's _Iemitsu,_ romantic/social deficiencies and all, so she wants to make sure she goes over this with him. As charming as he is, he’s overly obtuse to manners in all but the most pressing situations. At least he tries hard with Nana, though~

She knows he's a little impatient sometimes where she doesn't want to be rushed, in more things than the physical aspect of their relationship, and they have to talk that out, if for nothing else than to acknowledge it.

He doesn’t know how to start, and neither does she. However, it’s clear he’s not going to take any initiative, so she dives in with all the tenacity of a woman dragging a man behind her into a task he doesn’t want to do.

 _Okay. Thank you for coming and participating. I value devotion, effort, and small thoughts the most in romantic relationships._  While she is usually happy to play along with his superfluous small talk and avoidance of unpleasant topics for at least a bit, she feels they've been dancing around it for long enough already - that's why she wants to talk, after all. _What do you value most?_

He stares a little, clearly out of his element in such blatant transparency. _I love Nana-chan, of course!_ he responds, confusion replaced by carefreeness.  She loves how romantic he is, but this is not the time for dodging uncomfortable conversations.

 _Of course,_ she echoes, _but I need to know what you need in a relationship_ . _Please tell me straight, darling. It will prevent future misunderstandings._

He glances down and goes a little too still. _Never really thought about it before_ , he admits. _I mean, I have requirements for my subordinates, but… I never considered being in a steady relationship before…_

 _Then think_ , she tells him. _Eat, and think._

-.-_-.-,

He comes up with something after much deliberation. _Kindness and acceptance and freedom_ , he answers her with an adorable, contemplating, earnest expression. She guesses he also likes to be corrected when necessary, which she's been doing a good job of, though she's sure he'd never admit it.

She nods, satisfied, and says, _Good to know. Luckily, I’d say that judging by our requirements, we’re a pretty good match!_

Iemitsu's expression melts into a relieved smile and he laughs, reassured. _Well, I'm glad we got that out of the way. Can I kiss you now?_

 _We're not done yet,_ Nana informs him, raising her eyebrows and pinning him with a stern glance. _You have to keep in mind what is most important to me when we interact or get upset at each other, and I will do the same for you. Because if I get upset at you and you have no idea why, it probably has to do with what's paramount to me: devotion, effort, and small thoughts._

 _Oh,_ Iemitsu realizes, his mouth forming a small o. _That makes sense. If I got upset, then it would probably have the root in what I find the most important._

 _Mhm,_ Nana nods. _You're so quick to catch on, love!_

 _Now can I kiss you?_ His expression is absolutely adorable - grin charming, blue eyes wide, and she has to fight the urge to just let him.

 _Not yet, love,_ she denies and sighs a little. _One last thing. When something is really important to me, you have to listen._

 _Okay,_ he nods, blue eyes fixed on her lips. She sighs a little more, reminded of one of his neutral qualities, good or bad depending on the situation - a one-track mind.

She decides the last part about respecting boundaries can wait until later and leans in to kiss him.  

(They have that part right after Nana is done with being kissed and he's firmly denied more. He learns that she Does Not desire to be rushed, and she tells him that respecting her boundaries is a big part of her decision of whether they work or not.

He respects them, at least for a while until he forgets and she has to remind him.)

-.-.-.-

Rentoka and Sukune hear plenty about Iemitsu, enough that they express a desire to meet him.

 _In fact,_ Rentoka states, _we all do. How about you bring him to the next family gathering?_

Nana agrees, because that’s what everyone is expected to do. Rentoka doesn't date anyone, being asexual and not attracted to any gender, and Sukune doesn't feel ready yet. But Yukine, the enthusiastic, realistic boy, has been dating a Kyoto city cake-shop owner for about eight months, and two weeks ago he showed up with her at the gathering. And that's the way it’s always been; if you think there’s a reasonable chance that you'll get married, you show up with your significant other at least once before the wedding. There have been a few bad matches chased away, but that’s for the family member’s own good, and it saves divorces from happening.

So she nods and agrees and steals a lick of Sukune’s ice cream.

-.-.-.-

It does not go well.

In retrospect, it’s a bunch of little things that stack on top of each other.

Nana puts a pretty dress on and makes Iemitsu change out of that hideous (nevertheless endearing) orange jumpsuit and dress up in a classy suit, one of those ones that he always changes into before going to work. She gets a little lost with Iemitsu right beside her, saying charming things, and even when they arrive he spends a little time kissing her before they get out of his car. She stumbles from the car, laughing dazedly, euphorically, and attempting to smooth her hair.

 _You shouldn’t have done that, you naughty man!_ She pushes her love mock-seriously through the giggles. _Now I look all ragged!_

He just chuckles and smiles with those dimples, and Nana blushes and looks away. She can never stay mad at him.

Everyone is staring at them as they approach. As soon as Rentoka glimpses Iemitsu’s face and the suit, she goes pale, and for some reason she goes to whisper a message to tou-san and Herohata-san, the elder of the elders. They in turn spread the message to others of their circles. Nana collects herself and bows, gesturing to Iemitsu, who gives a tiny wave. _This is Sawada Iemitsu,_ she introduces. _My fiance._

Everyone nods to acknowledge him, and she goes to mingle with her usual group. Everyone, especially her siblings, is subtly testing him, asking questions and throwing glances even when they’re not part of the group Nana is talking to. Iemitsu replies to them with sharpness and evasion that he never has for her. It sounds a little like he’s trying to bare his teeth in this conversation, for some reason. She lays a hand on his arm, and some of the tenseness leaks out of him.

Eventually they arrive at the elders, and they ask him, _what do you love the most?_

He replies, _Nana, my little flower, of course!_ He draws her into him tightly, and she complies with giggles and a kiss.

They glance at each other, sharp-eyed, and turn back to face him. _How far are you willing to go for her?_ they ask.

 _To the moon and back,_ he responds, nuzzling her nose with his.

_What about the times where she’s sick in the middle of the night and vomits all over you and you get a horrible headache and want nothing to do but go back to sleep?_

An uneasy expression crosses his face for a moment at that, but it passes quickly enough. _I’m sure that would never happen,_ he laughs it off. _I don’t get sick, and Nana hasn’t once since I’ve met her!_

The glance they share this time is shrewder and more concerned. They ask Nana if they can talk to Iemitsu alone for a moment, and she acquiesces easily enough. She returns to the group of her siblings, Tomino, Kanheko, Yukine, and his girlfriend.

They exchange a steeling glance as she walks up to them, and she gives them an expression that says to tell her what they have to say.

Yukine speaks up. **He’s not good for you, Nana,** he says. The others refuse to look at her.

She’s very surprised. Yukine is usually not the one to say these things. Scolding and motherly things are undisputedly Kanheko’s territory. And, she’s in shock. She never considered the fact that the family might find her love unworthy.

She swallows. It doesn’t help. **What are you talking about? ...Why?**

 **He’s - he’s,** Rentoka starts, **involved in some things that you might not want to be.**

Nana is already on the defensive. He is _her_ love, and they have no right to judge him when it’s not his best day and they’ve barely talked with him for three hours compared to her seven and a half months, and they’re probing with questions that he obviously does not want to answer. They don’t _understand_ , and she loves him so _deeply_ , she can’t leave him now! She’s dedicated ( _he needs someone to be dedicated to him, who will never move and like a rock will always be there to welcome him back without judging or second thoughts_ ), and she is very reluctant to change the life she has envisioned for herself.

While they continue heckling her love, these people that she always thought would support her and be by her unconditionally, she shuts off her ears. She rationalizes, and she gets angry. Three more exchanges in, they’ve barely gotten started, and Iemitsu comes back to retrieve keys. His work has called him again. She gives him a quick peck before he leaves, and takes him a good hug to stabilize herself again. He smiles reassuringly and winks in that charming way of his, and she melts.

(And she pretends she doesn’t know about the glances they exchange behind her back.)

After that reminder of why she loves him, her defense solidifies. She won’t hear another word against him.

 **You aren’t getting it. I don’t care, he needs me,** she explains time after time, but that doesn’t satisfy them. She can see that they’re reaching their outstretched arms farther and farther after her, trying to grasp for a friend, but they’re reaching for the wrong thing. All she is processing is the arms that are batting her love away.

Rentoka gets fed up. The hair stylist can’t deal with this, and she doesn’t want to. Her sister is being dumb, and it’s her job to jolt her sister out of it this time. She never did pay Nana back for that one time she tried to make her see sense. **No. You’re not listening! Listen! Hear what we have to say!**

But it seems that the favor could only be repaid, not expounded upon, because neither of their attempts work.

It escalates into a shouting match very quickly. Their father tries to intervene, but his attempts don’t work either. The elders sit on the sidelines with pitying, hard gazes. Nana is crying, heartbroken and unaccepted, and all she can feel is her _family_ against her and the weight of the world on her back.

Her father takes her aside and nothing works.

Rentoka yells after her, **Fine! Go running back to him! But he’ll only chain you down, leave you washed out to shore and waiting for him to come back! You’ll only be his escape, but you’ll be dependent on him and one day you’ll break! You will** **_never be first priority_ ** **!**

Nana stumbles back at those words as if physically struck. They _hurt,_ they wound deep, and her sister is making a last-ditch effort to snag her and drag her back with a grappling hook.

It doesn’t work quite the way the stylist hoped for. Nana manages to rip the metaphorical hook out of her body, along with the respect and willingness to consult her family ever again. (It’s an ugly image that will haunt Rentoka’s nightmares and regrets for many years to come.)

She doesn’t storm, just trails out with small staggering shocked steps, leaving iridescent unbelieving tears scattered behind in her wake.

-.-.-.-

Her father keeps calling. She glances longingly at the phone, but holds firm to her resolution.

She burns the letters and tears the landline out of its sockets.

-.-_-.-,

Iemitsu spends much time working, often reached when he and Nana are having some time together, and Nana watches as he responds to various calls with varying degrees of concern and urgency. Sometimes they’re urgent and he leaves right away, but other times he spends some minutes talking and joking with the person calling him and dawdles a bit before he leaves. It’s always with a sense of regretfulness, but the regret is much more distant when an imperative call comes (and it happens far too often for Nana’s liking). Instead, urgency lights up like a blaring red alarm on his face and he can’t seem to leave fast enough.

She doesn’t fault him for it. It seems like he has an important job, and though he’s extremely vague about it, she can wait until he decides to divulge the details. Things like that don’t bother her.

What matters is that he comes back, that he treasures her presence all the more. What matters is that they care for each other and will stick through till the end. Nana never even contemplates him using work as an excuse for an affair because she can read just how much she means to him in his eyes and knows that he's doesn't treasure anyone as much as his wife. No one else shares that connection with him. She is absolutely certain down to her bones that he will be faithful, and her gut has never betrayed her before.

Nana knows she will have to share him with his work, and ever since Rentoka screamed those words at her ( **he’ll only chain you down, leave you washed out to shore and waiting for him to come back! You’ll be dependent on him! You will never be** **_first priority_ **!), she’s thought a lot more about that.

It will mean she is left alone and lonely for longer stretches of time than she’s used to. Iemitsu is one of those men that chases hard, charming and just like the ‘prince’ she’s always wanted, but settles down eventually and turns more of his attention to different things once his love interest is secured to him. It will mean Nana is left to her thoughts, thoughts that invade her mind during quiet moments and she isn’t sure how she could survive a longer period of time left alone with them, not with the barely-stable wreck she is presently.

But she can’t feel it now. _Now_ all she can feel is him beside her, how much she lusts for him to stay and stay and stay in spirit, never leave, never love another. How she needs him, how desperate she is to just drown herself in her love for him and distract herself from all the thoughts. He can’t leave, her last anchor can’t leave, she would go insane -

So Nana understands and supports and doesn’t say anything. She won’t give him any reason to leave her, though she knows he would never. The only way would be if he had to pick his work over her entirely, so she can’t make him choose.

(Deep down, she knows work is more important to him than their relationship.)

-.-_-.-,

There are days she wishes that she still had a phone, that even if she can’t answer she could still hear oral proof that her family cares for her even after that catastrophic gathering. She can only forget them when distracted by Iemitsu.

(There are days her resolution couldn’t be weaker and she almost knocks on her neighbor’s door to use their phone, but the thoughts that worry she’s unworthy of her wonderfully kind, loving family after she rejected their advice on her love or that they might not accept her back always prevent contact, in the end.)

-.-.-.-

Two months after she receives a pretty new ring, a month and three weeks after the split with her family, Iemitsu gets a phone call on a date that leaves him shaken and more dishevelled than ever.

Nana leads him back to his seat in the restaurant and lets him breathe and steady himself against her.

 _There you go, that's better. Breathe in and out, see, it's not hard. You can do it. Don't even think about it, it comes naturally, yeah?_ she murmurs to him, these sweet little nothings, and they comfort him. When she thinks he’s recovered enough, she leans down to peck him on the lips.

 _Are you okay?_ She asks, brow creased, running her fingers lightly over his hair and chest.

He nods, swallows heavily, and shifts. Nana goes back to her seat.

He wants to tell her about something, she can see, but doesn't know where to start. Well, that's easy enough.

 _Is it work?_ she asks quietly, sipping her wine.

 _Yes,_ he says, in an uneven voice. The ragged breaths start returning.

She leans over and grabs his hand. _It's okay, love, it's fine,_ she reassures him. _I'm here for you. I'm not giving up on us, not matter what’s happened. Tell me. I can handle it._

He kisses her hand, nods, and recollects himself. _It is work,_ he starts, and Nana nods encouragingly, squeezing his hand. _You know that I was born in Japan, but got a job in a company that’s based in Italy. After a while, I got the opportunity to take a promotion in Japan, and I took it, obviously._

Nana hums in confirmation, sipping her wine again, holding his eyes. This had come up before. What is it now?

_Well, I’d hoped I would have more time stationed here. Years at least. But… the president of the company passed away last night, and they want me to take over the Italy branch as the most available candidate. I would have to go over now and spend at least two months sorting things out there, and I would have to stay there for a great portion of the year every year._

He turns sad, hopeless, wandering eyes to her, and she meets them head on with confidence and tempered steel learned from her mother. She can deal with this. She can deal with _anything_ , for family and love. And she has already accepted Iemitsu as the one she wants to raise a family with. It’s too late to turn back now. The memory of his answer to her question about what is most important to him plays itself again - kindness and acceptance and freedom.

 _We can do it. It will be okay,_ she assures him, and she is sure.

(Perhaps too sure?)

Iemitsu’s shoulders slacken like he’s dropped the weight of the world, and his expression teeters on the verge of crying.

Nana rushes around the table again to take her love back into her arms. _Oh, love, it will be okay,_ she promises him. _I'll never leave you, no matter what, and you can always count on me. You have to_ believe _me, love. I know many people have broken your trust and made you careful with who you let in, but I always want to be that one person you can rely on, that will never ever leave or let you down. You've already given your heart to me, love, don't hold anything back._

He breaks down crying, and she has to guide him out of the restaurant. They end up cuddling on her couch. Iemitsu grips her shirt and breathes, _thank you, darling,_ drying his tears and smiling like the world's been given to him. Nana devotes herself to being his constant once again and curses everyone who made him have to build up those walls. She wants to shelter him, but knows that he would not stand for it. She sighs and runs a hand through his hair. His chest rises and falls, and he’s so peaceful and adorable asleep~! It’s impossible to stay irritated at him in the slightest, she thinks, not that she was before, as she watches her love and smiles gently.

It’s nice, this moment. A shame he has to leave the next day.

-.-.-.-

Nana has a job, Iemitsu has a job, and they’re making more than enough. Nana puts a good amount away in savings, as her love is not the best with managing funds. But even then they have surplus. They donate some to various charities/funds and the local shrine, and then Nana runs out of ideas and it's sort of ridiculous. They just kind of… donate… it to the Hibaris, and they keep side-eyeing Iemitsu, which Nana wants to know about but then again doesn't. (She adamantly denies flashbacks flitting past in the back of her head, snapshots of that last disastrous family gathering, Rentoka’s troubled gaze, “involved in some things you might not want to be,” “you will _never be first priority_ ” - )

The point is that they have a lot of money. She could definitely afford to quit her job, but… she likes working. Hard work is satisfying, it connects her to her father, and gives her something to help take her mind off… things.

-.-.-.-

The months without him are desolate, bleak, without color or meaning, honestly. It’s hard, and she can barely manage to get out of bed and go to work. Her life is devoid of meaningful relationships during this time, except perhaps with Tinure, and the lack of emotional contact kills her inside.

Her love is not here to distract her, with his bright, all-encompassing, dazzling love, from the fact that she has forsaken her family. And she can’t quite face it yet, though it tortures her every spare moment, and she has many.

When he returns, she is too relieved for words. She falls into his arms and he initiates an embrace with as much desperation as fills up her ribcage. She relaxes into him and _forgets,_ hopeful, blank.

-.-.-.-

The wedding is held after four months, and that’s only after Nana insists they should wait before immediately diving in.

They book a small, private ceremony, one that is perfectly white and barren, and it’s just the minister, herself, and her love.

(She tells herself it’s perfect, and she blinds herself to the echoes she can hear of the many people that should be on her side of the chapel.)

There is that one minor hiccup, the fact that three hours before it is supposed to start Iemitsu receives a job and he has to rush off to complete it, and he doesn’t return until thirty minutes after it’s supposed to have started. But that is only minor. The important thing is that she finally gets married to her love, and they get lost in each other’s bottomless gazes.

They have a wonderful, meaningful, perfect wedding night, and they are splashes of color and angels soaring on rented wings that will be shredded far faster than Nana can fix.  

-.-.-.-

(Maybe it would’ve been better if they hadn’t married so young, Nana never quite manages to think to herself. Or maybe she does, but she never dwells on it, never acknowledges it.

Maybe if Nana had dated more people, if she’d thought about it a little longer, if she hadn’t gotten so hopelessly lost in the haze of her dreams and ideals and his charming, if she’d realized that their love was like a passionate, sizzling bonfire the last night before you have to pack up from camping - a glorious, lovely thing, but with a sizable chance that it would burn out quickly… maybe, then they could’ve ended their fling and moved onto someone else. A person that would be able to give them more stability than they ever had, that they’d be able to grow older together with, no secrets and reservations and regrets between them.

But that’s not what happens. And it never quite manages to happen, not in any universe, because Tsunayoshi is a fixed point. He is an anchor for the Tri-ni-Sette.

And what is the hypothetical happiness of one woman compared to the lives of all the people that Sapira wished to live?)

-.-.-.-

Nana had been living on the fringes of this wonderful quaint town called Namimori, which was where she met Iemitsu anyway. Her apartment is small but perfect for her. Clean and bare except for yellow accents, sunshine, and occasional artworks of Sukune’s.

Iemitsu suddenly uproots that, gifting her a home he’s found in the middle of town, much larger than she had ever dreamed of. And when he says, _we don't even have to pay mortgage!_ she's stunned. But she puts it out of her mind and gets to work picking out and moving all the furniture she wants, bringing her things from the apartment (most of the stuff comes from her kitchen), and painting the side panelling yellow. Iemitsu helps of course, and he tries to take the labor off her but she won't have it.

 _Good hard work is healthy for the soul,_ she recites, smiling at her love, heart aching for her father (both the fact that he was gone gone had deserted her and the fact that he could never work where he loved again).

He blinks, surprised, and then agrees, kissing her. _Of course. I won't take that away from you,_ he promises.

 _Thank you,_ she acknowledges, stepping back and picking up the couch again. _I can't do it alone though! Help me, love!_ She covers her heart dramatically and mimes fainting.

 _But of course,_ Iemitsu replies, mischief and love bubbling in his gaze. _I could never let you down, my princess._

Nana loses herself to falling in love with him all over again, and it doesn't help that when they’re finally done with the furniture he sweeps her off her feet bridal style and carries her to their favorite cafe in town.

 _In front of all these people!_ She cries, blushing.

 _Yes,_ Iemitsu says, amused. He nuzzles her collarbone and says, _but don't you want everyone to know that you're mine?_

 _I guess,_ Nana assents, chuckling, blush fading a bit. _Then don't go half-way! You have to glare at everyone we pass too!_ When he actually takes her suggestion, she breaks down laughing. After a pause, she says, _I'm happy._

Iemitsu smiles dazzlingly, and his eyes light up happily. _I’m_ _glad!_ he exclaims. _That's all I want._ She laughs harder, breathily, a bit more dizzily and wonderous, helpless against her love, and buries her face in his chest.

-.-.-.-

They have a wonderful first three months together, and then he can't put it off any longer.

 _I love you, I’ll see you when I can,_ he whispers to her, the night before he leaves. That morning she wakes to a cold, empty spot beside her.

She cries.

-.-.-.-

Now she doesn't have anything to distract her from what a mess her life has become. No family, no Iemitsu, and she recently quit her job when she wanted to spend every moment she could with her love and that was too much time taken off of work.

She ghosts around the house and drifts through her days, flashing back to the time Rentoka made her former house feel approximately the same. Except this is much worse. Now she thinks she might be able to relate to what Rentoka felt like more. She has no motivation, just hangs on to the knowledge that he will return soon, just waits for him every waking moment. Some days she doesn't even get out of bed. Time is a meaningless concept that she can't grasp anymore.

Eventually she is forced to go to the market to pick up more food, having run out, and her ears are buzzing with static. She can’t understand what anyone else says at all. She buys the groceries and goes home feeling more alone and secluded than ever.

It seems like she can’t feel anything but emptiness, and her face is constantly wet. She forgets what it's like to live without tears staining her cheeks and being tired, sick to the bone and a void in her chest.

She can't even muster up the energy to hate it, just chants _Iemitsu will come he will come back soon when he comes I will be alive again_. She drifts through the days disconnected… and empty.

-.-.-.-

It's when she has no more money that she wakes up. That, and she spies Rentoka hovering around a cafe that she used to frequent with Iemitsu when he was still here. It was Iemitsu's favorite.

When she gets home, she can't stop crying. She breaks down, sobbing and screaming and haunted by the lost look on Rentoka's face. (She wasn't supposed to look like that, her sister was supposed to be righteously indignant and support this separation of her from her family, the eldest sibling had no right to appear in such pain when it couldn't possibly hold a candle to Nana's own, she was supposed to make this easier, not harder, and Nana shouldn't have to second-guess - !)

She has no more money, and no way to get any without trying to unravel the instructions he left or getting in touch with any of the contacts Iemitsu introduced her to. Right now, she does not want to be reminded of her husband and how other people have a more valid claim to his time than she does.

She's ran out of food and money, and unless she's willing to give up all hope ( _Iemitsu -_ ), she has to do something about it.

So she kicks herself out of it. She looks in the mirror, slaps herself, and tries to smile before grimacing and deciding she isn't quite there yet. She forces herself to not break down so much, to think through things without immediately giving up and running back to her room and the  drifting static. Through enormous effort of will, she forces herself to stop constantly crying and drags herself out of self-pity and loathing. She looks around the house, picks up all the trash that’s collected, including the many tissues, and starts doing a thorough cleaning of everything, the whole house. It takes two days, in which she actually manages to go out for meals twice and deal with actually being aware of the people around her. She is quite proud of herself. It takes enormous effort. (Both the cleaning and the going out, but mostly just handling people without blocking them out entirely.)

After that cleansing session, she has had more than enough time to think and feels like a new woman.

Things can't go on like this. If they did, she would die fast. So obviously she can't! Iemitsu needs her to be there.

She pulls out that old idea of starting a restaurant again.

-.-.-.-

The problem is, she’s a young woman in Japan whose husband seemingly abandoned her. It's not looking good. Nobody wants to work with her, afraid of social stigma or her airheadedness. People have been whispering, _odd, lazy, greedy, too kind, pathetic, alone, worthless._ The comments sting for a bit before she manages to push them away. But she doesn't do as well at that as she should. The family and support she always had to fall back on so their opinions were meaningless is gone, a vacuum in its place, and she can't help but feel that the comments are correct on some level.

She manages to keep herself busy for a little while longer, signing up for volunteer efforts around the community and cooking big meals that she gives to anyone who needs them. The hospital and homeless people are the most usual recipients of her gifts.

As for money, she kicks her butt in gear and contacts those friends of Iemitsu’s, no matter how much it hurts, because it would hurt him more to come home and find her dead out of pride or weakness.

But she keeps hunting for ideas for the restaurant, maybe a partner that she can start it with.

-.-.-.-

Eventually someone does come up. It's a new couple who come to town.

Nana brings them dinner to get to know them and help them settle in. It does take a bit to get used to the idea of Hibaris and their rule, after all.

As it turns out, she needn't have worried! This couple seems as accepting and politely uncaring about it as she is. It's just lovely. The Hibari system is satisfactory and gets the job done, so Namimori doesn't have anything to complain about, is Nana's personal opinion.

They are Yamamoto Tsuyoshi and Kanoeka, and she likes them already.

She keeps bringing them dinner for the next four nights, which is completely superfluous since by the time she gets there Tsuyoshi will have made sushi anyway, but it gives her an excuse. Despite the fact that all three of them are perfectly aware of what she's doing, none of them make a move to stop her.  Tsuyoshi just huffs and smiles indulgently as he lets her in every time, and Kanoeka waves and starts babbling the newest baseball stats, weaving them in with regular conversation and house care effortlessly. Nana helps set the table with sushi and her extravagant meal with the sunniest beam that either of the Yamamotos have ever seen.

It's luck when she finds out that Tsuyoshi intends on starting a sushi restaurant, but luck that she is willing to grip with both hands and never let go of.

So when her new friend says, _I think I should open a sushi restaurant. I’ve looked at a really great space, but do you know where I should set the legal stuff up?_ she sets her plan in motion. Tsuyoshi already knows her well enough by this point to tell what she's doing, but if she does it right it won't matter.

 _Oh, yes,_ she agrees, sighing lightly, looking down, and shifting a bit. _It’s, um,_ she glances back up quickly into Kaneoka and his concerned faces, then looks away again and bites her lip. _It's the Hibari’s office, the same one you went through to get registered as a Namimori resident_ , she lets out finally, playing with her napkin.

 _Thank you_ , Kanoeka gratefully acknowledges, _but would you mind telling us what's wrong?_

Nana startles a bit and a high, nervous laugh escapes. _You - you can tell something’s wrong?_ she asks, blushing.

 _Yes_ . _You were the one who insisted on becoming this close,_ Tsuyoshi chides a little dryly.

 _Well_ , Nana looks away again, almost turning completely away from them, towards the door. _It's pretty private_.

 _You don't have to tell us anything, hon_ , Kanoeka reassures the brunette, grabbing her wrist softly and holding her hand firmly. _But maybe we could help?_

Nana looks a little shocked and stunned at the prospect. _Um, okay. Maybe._

They sit there in silence for a moment more before Nana blurts out, _Ikindasortawanttoruntherestaurantwithyou_!

The Yamamotos let out a startled laugh when they finish processing the words. _Sure,_ they agree wholeheartedly. _That's not a problem! Why didn't you just ask before?_

But Tsuyoshi knows her well enough to know that she’s firmly in control of her reactions to things, and his eyes glint with pity and understanding when they catch hers. His younger, more inexperienced wife does not have the understanding quite yet, but Kanoeka makes up for it in passion, determination, and empathy.

Together, they open the restaurant, calling it Takesushi, like Tsuyoshi jokingly insists on. Tsuyoshi makes sushi and seafood orders, Kanoeka makes delicious, savory tea, and Nana makes light meat dishes and salads, in addition to taking care of desserts, mostly cakes.

-.-.-.-

Kanoeka reminds Nana so much of a female Yukine that it hurts really bad sometimes. She can see parallels with Rentoka too, that she tries her hardest to push away.  

Tsuyoshi is kinda like Tomino, except far more verbose and lax. But he reminds her of Sukune occasionally, when Kanoeka and Nana manage to tease him into sulkiness.

And she makes herself cover it up with a smile. These are her friends and coworkers, they don't need to know about her problems, and they definitely don't need to be compared to people she's given up entirely (although her heart still aches and longs for them).

-.-.-.-

It's a slap to the face of her slowly improving life, just struggling out of the ashes, that Rentoka and Sukune choose to check out Takesushi. It was bound to happen sometime, but Nana would have been just fine if it had never happened anyway.

They come in, laughing and soaked from the rain outside, and they saunter up to the counter where Kanoeka is waiting for the timer to ring on her tea.

Nana’s eyes widen and she breathes shallowly. It takes a huge effort not to slip back into the static state.

She tries to duck behind the counter and pretend to look for something. Tsuyoshi glances over at her, concerned, and then backs off as Nana gives a head shake.

Unfortunately, Kanoeka comes with the order Nana knows by heart _\- two takoyaki, two tiramisu cake slices, one coffee, one green tea_ \- and it hurts, because it should be three takoyaki, three tiramisu slices, and one milk, but it's not. She can hear her sibling’s banter so loudly in the face of the otherwise silent restaurant, and she's not there to make seemingly useless, tangential remarks that usually spark her older sister and younger brother into an alliance to take her down. It hurts. Her heart throbs, and she doesn't break down, but it's a near thing and only because she promised herself she wouldn't cry anymore.

Ignoring the worried gazes of her friends and coworkers, she blinks back light and proper vision into her eyes and prepares the tiramisu while the others take care of their parts.

Kanoeka hesitantly whisks away the full order and Tsuyoshi lays a hand on her shoulder. _Okay?_ he murmurs almost silently.

 _Okay,_ she responds, obviously falsely with the way her voice hitches. Still, he doesn't press the issue.

She has her quiet mental meltdown until the customers decide they need to come over and give their compliments to the cooks.

“It was great,” Rentoka comments, draping her arm on the bar and spinning a toothpick in her mouth. “Quality cooking. Kind of reminds me of my sist - ”

Sukune and Rentoka catch sight of Nana, still huddling into the floor, at the exact same moment, and the woman’s speech cuts off. Nana can feel the blood drain out of her face and she breathes out unsteadily as she attempts to stand on shaky legs.

Sukune’s face goes white too, while Rentoka adopts a dazed expression and flinches, averting her gaze.

“Uh, I’m sorry,” the stunned woman remarks. “Wrong thing to say.”

They sit there in very awkward silence until Nana takes a deep breath and decides to get this over with. “The point is that you liked it, right?”

The customers both nod. Rentoka moves to speak once more, but Nana interjects with, “Then thank you. That makes me happy to hear. We’d appreciate it if you recommended this restaurant to your friends and acquaintances.”

The lack of _family_ in that sentence drives the point home. Nana doesn’t want a similar run-in to happen. They nod swiftly, acknowledging her wishes. Sukune determines the aura and his sister’s plastic smile too much for him to handle, and turns to go without having said a word. Rentoka stares at her sister regretfully for five more seconds, and then follows. Nana’s siblings disappear like ghosts, and the Yamamotos let it be for now. They recognize history when they see it.

The brunette is glad. That smile was so plastic and fake it hurt to wear. It likely hurt her siblings to look at it too.

-.-.-.-

It's on one of those days where she feels closest to wanting to go back into the mindless stupor of always-crying and self-pity when Kanoeka comes to sit to down next to her. It's during the early afternoon lull of customers, “lunch break”, as Tsuyoshi jokingly calls it, and Nana is sitting at the far back table, staring at her teacup morosely, longing for her husband. Kanoeka sets her own teacup down with a clink and drinks in companionable silence with her. Just out the window it’s pouring, and Nana empathizes with all her being.

Tsuyoshi finishes with his last customer and waves them off with a lighthearted laugh, then approaches them. He greets them with cheer and hums as he looks out the window.

They sit together in silence for a while, until Tsuyoshi breaks it. _What's going on, Nana? Who are you missing?_

Her head snaps to face her concerned friends. _O-oh, um,_ she stutters in reply, _it’s -_

 _Don't say it's nothing,_ Tsuyoshi cuts in hard. His eyes hold steel and comprehension.

 _It's obviously not,_ Kaneoka states. _Come on, we want to help you feel better._

Nana stares down at her lap, twining her hands together. She doesn’t want to burden them. She doesn’t want to find out whether they’ll leave her, either, like everyone else, when they find out that even her husband couldn’t find it in himself to be around her for very long. _Gold-digger, stupid, fool, unwanted, queer, left-behind, trophy wife, half-a-person, blind, inattentive, airhead._ The voices ring in her head, tugging at her. _Worthless._

She doesn’t see the way her friends glance at each other and start rubbing her back, but she feels it. When she begins crying silently, Tsuyoshi gently brushes away her tears, and they both hum a soothing, beautiful melody.

After a while, Nana calms. They do have her health in mind, she believes it. She trusts them. They were willing to befriend her when no one else would. They made their own leap of faith, now she has to make hers. It will help, right…?

_My husband is absent, and I miss him. My family shunned me because I married him, and it hurts to think about them. I don’t have friends, other than you. The other women whisper about me, and I wonder if it’s true. This hole in my chest keeps growing, and it gets harder to smile every day…_

Her chest constricts and she clicks her jaw shut forcefully. She hadn’t meant to say all that. She peeks up through her bangs, breath held, to gauge their reactions and whether she is out of work or not. To her surprise, they seem shocked but not disgusted.

 _Oh, my brave, sweet Nana-chan,_ Kanoeka lamented softly, tracing the woman’s cheek with warm fingers. Her eyes reflect so much consoling compassion and empathy that it hitches Nana’s breath and makes her avert her gaze. No one but Sukune, Tomino, and kaa-san have ever looked at her with that much emotion. She feels so much better, a huge burden lifted off her chest, but that doesn’t mean she’s not embarrassed or slightly uncomfortable about her outburst. Tsuyoshi continues rubbing her back and his wife pulls Nana into close into her chest.

 _We’re not going to judge you,_ Tsuyoshi assures her in a voice oddly soft with sympathy and that constant understanding. _We’re here to help you feel better._

 _You’re so brave,_ Kanoeka marvels, stroking Nana’s hair. _You have so many challenges. How do you do it?_

 _I don’t know,_ she responds, chuckling a bit harshly. _I take it day by day. Try not to think about it._

They fall silent, seeking a moment to recuperate and sooth the lonely woman. Nana slowly relaxes, and she feels lighter than she has since Iemitsu left. The Yamamoto couple look at each other, wondering, curious, and compassionate.

After they feel that Nana is completely comforted and almost ready to drift off to sleep, Kanoeka speaks again. _Where did your husband go? Why did he leave you alone like this?_

Nana snuggles further into her chest. _Do we have to do this right now?_ she whines slightly, tired and not ready to think about this.

 _Sure,_ Kanoeka sighs a little, _go retire in the back room. But we’re talking after you wake up!_

 _Alright,_ the brunette agrees, and barely makes it to the room before she crashes.

-.-.-.-

When Nana emerges, rubbing sleep from her eyes, she expects to see the shop opened after lunch break for more customers, but the Yamamotos are sitting together at a table and conversing quietly. A yawn sneaks up on her and they turn towards her at the sound.

 _Nana-chan!_ they chorus, overjoyed. _Did you have a nice nap?_

She nods, approaching them. _What are you discussing?_

 _What we learned from you today,_ Tsuyoshi answers. _We need to have a conversation._

 _O-oh,_ Nana stutters, suddenly remembering the last thing they’d talked about before sending her off to rest. _U-um, I’m -_

 _No, Nana,_ he presses firmly. _You need to tell us about this._

Kanoeka stares at her sternly from behind him. She bows her head, defeated, and sits down on Kanoeka’s right. They don’t prompt her, just stare expectantly.

 _My husband - Iemitsu - he-he works overseas. In Italy. He’s the head of a branch of a company, really important, and he makes more than enough to support me. But he hasn’t come home since he left, and - it’s been hard._ She doesn’t look up at them, not wanting to see the pity or sympathy sure to be lurking there. He still loves her, she knows it. Their love is the most powerful thing, the most powerful force in her life - it has to be, to hold Nana together when she feels like she could just crumble at any moment with him gone. She lives for his return. _He loves me, I know it, and I’m happy to be married to him. He’s a wonderful, romantic man. But I - I get lonely sometimes,_ she whispers. The back rubbing begins again, and she fights hard not to break down once more.

 _I’m not going to suggest you leave him, or that he’s already left you,_ Kanoeka ventures unsurely, _but I think he should come home more often._

 _I - I knew before I married him,_ Nana sniffles. _He told me, and I was aware. I told him that I’d never leave him, that I would be his one rock when all others crumbled before him. And I will keep that promise. It made him so emotional and relieved and rapturous._

 _I can see in your eyes how much you love him,_ Tsuyoshi comments quietly, trying to keep his trepidation and slight disapproval out of his voice.

 _Yes, it’s difficult, and I didn’t think it would be this hard,_ she confesses, _but it’s okay. I’ll get through it. This was my choice, and I’m not sorry I made it, however pitiful I am. I love him, and I’m not letting him go!_

She announces this with blazing, defiant eyes, like she expects to be reprimanded. The Yamamotos see this, and their lips thin.

 _Of course you have a right to your choices, dear, we're not here to reprimand you or pressure you to change them,_ Kanoeka assures the brunette. _We just want to make it a little easier on your feelings, is all. You're hurting so much, so obviously_ . ‘I can't stand to watch it’ isn't said, but it shines in her eyes loud and clear. _I'm sorry about your family - they have no right to do that to you._

Nana flinches. She knows she exaggerated a bit before, when she was feeling extremely overwhelmed - she feels marginally better now, enough to gain back needed clarity of mind - but it makes her feel guilty to hear the exaggeration repeated back to her, besides the fact that any mentions of her family bring up automatic guilt and shame and longing and - Just. A cocktail of emotions she wants to put off as long as possible.

They’ve tried to get in contact, of course - in fact, they’re probably still trying. Nana is the one refusing their efforts, nursing old hurt she won't let go of. But she wants to avoid inevitable tension and conflict between her unapproved love and her family, and as already shown, she's chosen her love. She's… she's afraid of that conflict.

 _Well, I haven't reached out to them_ , Nana admits, shifting her eyes. _It's more my fault than theirs._

 _They're fools for rejecting you_ , Kanoeka states, holding the younger woman's face and ready to sweep away any tears that fall from the water currently collecting in her lower lashes. _We're always here for you. Do you want to talk about them? What about the people that came in two months ago - are they family?_

 _Siblings_ , Nana whispers after a pause, two silver tears finally falling. Kanoeka gently brushes them away and pulls her in for a hug. _We were the closest. They meant everything to me._

Here in her friend's comforting, accepting embrace, she relaxes and breaks down again. It feels cleansing - not positive, not now, she's hurting so much - but it's not bottled inside anymore, pushed away to make room for only thoughts of her love.

Nana hasn't noticed it before, but suddenly she's acutely aware of the fact that Iemitsu has never once asked after her family or their relationship with her, even after the very obvious falling-out she had cried over and sought comfort for with Iemitsu.

 _It's okay, it's okay, it will be okay_ , she thinks, seeking to reassure herself. Shoves all the overwhelming thoughts away again. She can’t deal with them right now, not with the static so close. Nevertheless, she still feels cleansed and lighter.

She is sent home with dinner and feeling valued, a patchy, hesitant smile on her lips.

-.-.-.-

About five months after starting the modestly successful but growing every day restaurant, Iemitsu comes back. Her life regains the color it lost, and every sensation is rediscovered and vibrant! She cries into his chest (probably far longer than is socially acceptable, especially in the middle of their favorite cafe, but she could not care less, this is a _moment_ and she’s on cloud nine, her love has _returned_!), great heaving sobs with lots of tears, and thankfully not much snot. Iemitsu gazes at her with his tenderest, most mournful look that says “you are the only woman in my heart, my only constant home. I am so happy to be here, and so sad that work will call me away again soon.”

She knows. She knows his torn feelings and the fact that he will have to leave again soon. But she wants to push all that away. It can be thought about and cried over later. For now, her love is here, and everything else can be postponed (especially the feeling of empty static that she knows will consume her as soon as he leaves. That must be avoided at all costs).

And they enjoy their time. They savor it. Nana finds the energy and enthusiasm to make banquet after banquet, and Iemitsu finds the peaceful calm so prevalent in civilian life just what he needs to relax and be concentrated on his love. They go to the cafe. They do ridiculous, scandalous things in public that make Nana laugh so hard she cries, and Iemitsu laughs because it’s impossible not to after hearing such joy from such a beautiful woman. And she’s all his! How lucky he is! (Seriously though, in the nights when he bolts upright from a nightmare with the apparition of blood that never truly fades staining his hands the only thing he can see, his sweet darling will get up and get him tea and whatever he needs, not asking any questions, just soothing and accepting. Those are the only times he has ever cried in front of someone else. He doesn’t deserve her, he’s done so many horrible things - )

They cuddle each other in quiet moments, and make plenty of love. Overall, they just bask in the other’s presence, neither leaving the other alone for ever more than ten minutes at the most.

They even go to Takesushi. That’s interesting; Iemitsu greets her coworkers with a warm smile, but she can tell he’s surprised and tense. On the other hand, Tsuyoshi’s face blanks for a moment before coming up with the most obvious plastic smile she has ever seen him wear. When they think she’s not looking, their gazes clash, narrowing in on each other.

So this is the place where I work! Nana interjects into their macho contest brightly, hurrying behind the counter and checking on the desserts. We need to order more tiramisu, she sighs, before smiling again and gesturing around her station, twirling. Isn’t it clean? Isn’t it sparkly? Isn’t it wonderful, and just everything I need? I enjoy serving customers so much! She claps, with stars in her eyes.

Iemitsu blinks the sparkles out of his vision, and smiles goofily. I’m glad you like it so much! he agrees with a low, happy laugh. But don’t I make enough money? This is not a burden for you, is it?

Nana pretends not to see the quick glance her love had thrown at Tsuyoshi, or the way her friend's grip had tightened on the knife he was using to chop fish. Of course not! she gasps a bit and giggles, stops swaying to plant her feet on the ground and pat the impeccably clean counter of her station. This is what I love! I need something to drag me out of the house when you’re gone, anata, she explains a little less brightly, something encroaching on her eyes and clouding the edges of them, and Iemitsu _sees_ loneliness in a flash of intuition.

O-oh, he forces out around the shock and deep stinging disappointment and frustration at himself and his inability to do anything. Well, that’s fine then, he says, recovering a bit of his bravado. Tsuyoshi actually has to stop slicing to breathe and contain himself, and his wife comes to lay her hand on his back to help him. She glares at the Young Lion with deep hatred.

He hustles them out as soon as he can, unwelcome but a bit happy that his darling has such good, dangerous friends, while also feeling horrible and chastised. (He needs to investigate these people working with his darling. That was the Vanishing Rainstorm, the famous swordsman assassin, if he’s not mistaken. So this is where he went. It made sense, considering the refuge Namimori is.)

-.-.-.-

It's just as she expects when he finally has to depart again. The void in her soul that was filled to bursting and overflowing with radiant ecstasy has now folded in on itself, and is sucking all the joy and energy she has into it relentlessly.

At least she can't wallow in it this time. She has work, and connections outside of her abandoned family. Tsuyoshi and Kaneaka give her two days off and then drag her back to work and forcefully grocery shop with her. She’s never been more grateful for them, as much as she might occasionally feel temporary desires to stab them so that they’ll leave her alone to mope.

So she claws her way up to existing and fulfilling her duties in regular life-without-Iemitsu again, and hates it with a passion.

-.-_-.-,

**“She has two perspectives - either the world is full of vibrant, colorful, ecstatic celebration, or it's a desolate, shadowy wasteland, and she has no control over which she sees at a time. It's all dependent upon the one she chose, the one who brings the autumn wind and summer warmth and spring blossoms with him when he deigns to appear.”**

-.-_-.-,

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay, oh joy! Apparently I gave Nana depression/slight dissociation! Whee! Well, the dissociation fits in well enough with her character…
> 
> Btw. Nana/Iemitsu's relationship is not healthy, though Nana really did try. It might have been up until the point she became dependent on him for her happiness (aka broken up with her family), but even that is only bc strict honesty was not as important to her as love and intent. So please don't trap yourself in a relationship like this. There were some red flags, a big one being Iemitsu's tendency to ignore things he’s not ready to deal with or doesn't want to confront, even if they should be confronted, and a second big one his forgetfulness of even things really important to her. 
> 
> We all knew the breakup with the family was going to happen, admit it. I'm sorry but not rly.
> 
> Also, the Yamamotos, bc why not. Could've been some ocs but nah. Canon characters for the win! 
> 
> So, Iemitsu… I find that the more I write/read him, I sympathize more. His situation is horrible. Ofc, that doesn't excuse how much of a frikin terrible father he is or the fact that he doesn't try harder to see his family, but I tried to give him some dimension - he has some weak points and some strong points, like everyone. He's largely self-centered and avoids uncomfortable things at all costs. To a lesser extent, Nana has the same problem - the latter one - but as seen in the Relationship Talk drabble, she can put on her big girl panties and buck up when needed… (although it was less awkward for her than it was for him, that particular situation). She is still avoiding her family. 
> 
> Anyway, my goal with Iemitsu is pretty much to make you understand him but still think he's a complete and utter jerk, which I'm hoping to especially highlight next part. See y'all~ 
> 
> ~OperaEagle IcelynLacelett
> 
> PS. There are so many segments to review, I'd appreciate it if you could drop something! Reviews are motivation and sustenance to us poor fic authors. If you don't have any idea what to say, it would be wonderful if you told me your favorite segment and/or your feelings during/after finishing this part ;) 
> 
> (I am so, so sorry for the long a/ns ^^;)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! Honestly it's a big mess of feels and life problems, like I warned you. It was written in little snippets at greatly varying times, so if it seems fragmented, that's because it was. It was mainly a bunch of ideas strung together.
> 
> So welcome to another fic of mine! It will be three parts (it was going to be two, but that chapter got too long) and updated once every month. Hopefully it will be the first one I finish!
> 
> Nana is wiser than anyone her age has right to be XD this is a combination of her being an "old soul", very intuitive, and empathetic
> 
> Sorry if the long descriptions of the siblings were boring :| I just thought that'd be the best way to introduce them and the sibling's relationship, bc I'm sure as heck telling a lot more than showing here XD
> 
> I think Rentoka is a Lightning and Sukune is a Mist. I headcanon Nana as a Sky /hard/. 
> 
> The tongue lashing Rentoka got from Harin wasn't planned either but I loved it so it happened. BAMF disabled ppl.
> 
> And this is crossposted on ffnet.
> 
> **Okay actual important stuff, please read**
> 
> Scream and emote at me. Tell me your favorite segment. Drop me some comments about the OCs. If that's too much effort, drop an encouraging one liner, although I really want to hear about your favorite things! (Something more than 'update!' because while it's nice to know you enjoy the story enough to want to read more, it saddens me that you can't think of anything else to comment on.) Reviews feed my soul and muse :) It just makes me write faster to know that you enjoyed it!
> 
> See me next month for the next part! It will have a lot more action and guess who'll be featured?
> 
> ~OperaEagle IcelynLacelett


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